Battblush

Celebration

2012-01-30T11:49:00.003+08:00

A couple of posts ago I worked out my end of year meme. One question was "Whose behaviour merited celebration?" I would like to add a person here who came to my attention last year for the first time and who became a personal hero of mine. Beate Klarsfeld* not only raised a family in post-war Europe, she is also an active Nazi Hunter who was responsible for bringing war criminals such as Klaus Barbie to trial. She spent time in various jails for this and had her car bombed but never gave up chasing the people who had been responsible for the death of so many. She also publicly slapped West German Chancellor Kurt Georg Kiesinger and denounced him for his role in promoting Nazi propaganda. Again, she was sentenced to jail time for this but given probation.

I really admire this woman and her tenacity and consider her to be the most beautiful woman of the 20th Century.

Yes, her husband Serge was also actively involved and deserves as much celebration as she does, but I am a woman celebrating a woman. I find it hard to raise a family and write a novel and yet, here is this woman who raised a family and fought monsters.

And that's inspiring.

2012 - A Look Forward

2012-01-14T07:56:00.001+08:00

Every year Lee and I sit down with the kids and make goals. They can be simple goals (eg fix flyscreens) or complex ones, ready to be broken down on a week by week basis. I usually manage to start all of them and complete half of them. I consider that a win because that is usually 2 or 3 things I get done that might not have been otherwise.

These are my goals for 2012.

Write 50,000 words of Circe Circle. (The official title is actually The Wednesday Night White Wine Club but Circe Circle is its nick-name.)
Finish 2nd year Uni OR have a F/T job
Maintain one complete TV-free night per week
Hit and maintain my Weight Watchers goal of 55 kg
Cook one new recipe a week.

So far I've written absolutely nothing on Circe Circle, but I am writing up the synopsis today.
I have been looking for and applying for full time jobs but nothing so far
Two weeks in and we've been lax with the TV free night due to the holidays. That ends as of Monday morning.
I'm currently at 57kg and still losing weight.
I've cooked new muffins both weeks. Technically it counts, but it shouldn't because I make up new muffins all the time. But, I'll count it for now.

With my mid-life crisis in full swing I think it's really important to keep focus on the important things. At the moment I feel as though I have nothing. No friends, no outside family, no job, no new stories awaiting publication, no future, no past. However, what I do have is the here and now. I do have an immediate family who love me as much as I love them, I do have an ability to write. I have a Clarion story that is about to be published so my past and my future are sitting side by side in that.

Also important at this time is maintaining our family relations. To this end, we not only set individual goals, but made up a goal list for the family as a whole.

Maintain 2 TV free nights per week, 1 x reading, 1 x games
Go on regular bike rides, weather permitting
Cook one meal per months together as a family
Go to one festival event together
Save $1500 towards a holiday at the end of the year
One working bee per week to have our house ready to sell in January 2013.

Sometimes a good goal with good people is all you need.

And on that note, I'm off to organise a bike ride for Lee, the kids and myself.

2011 Meme

2011-12-25T03:23:00.000+08:00

Lee and I tend to do this at the end of every year. Considering the glumness of my last post, I thought I might do it now.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Finished first year Uni. It's taken 10 years but I've finally done it.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? At the beginning of each year the family sits down and works out what they'd like to achieve by the end of the year. Mine were: Be doing 15 hours a week in Field Service (did not achieve). Be attending both meetings regularly (nope.) Send out three short stories (sent out five. Only had one accepted. A real low point but goal met nonetheless) Be 52 kg in weight (Will probably be 56 but considering I started at 63kg, I am well pleased with this) Finish first year uni (YES!)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No. Georgie had a baby at the end of the year and they lived with us for most of it, but Georgie and Luc are gone now. Cassandra is pregnant and the baby is due in May.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? None. Again.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A job that pays a regular wage so we can move forward financially.
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Not so much dates, as events. Aiden, Georgie and Luc moving out together, only to have Aiden come back by himself the next day. Getting my results for uni (HD for Teaching and Credit for Science) and getting an acceptance to switch to Secondary studies next year and finding out that I can go straight to second year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing 1st year with three HDs. So pleased to have finished the year, but I know I worked hard and I have the results to show it.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not regaining my spirituality fully. Losing my best friend.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Bronchitis in September for the second year running which put into bed for a month.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My Weight Watchers membership. Nearly 7kg so far and more to come. Also, a fantastic pair of platform heels last week. Totally gorgeous and go with everything.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Aiden took on Fatherhood to a child that wasn't biologically his. He tried to keep that contact going after the relationship broke up, but was denied. I am so proud of my son.
Lee sold his novel and next book through a mix of talent and hard work. I'm so proud of the focus he showed during this time in finishing, editing and getting it out there. My love for my husband gets deeper by the day.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Georgie's behaviour after the breakup was totally appalling. She told her friends and family all sorts of lies about us and Aiden when all we ever did was open our home and offer our support.
14. Where did most of your money go? I have no idea. Sometimes we had money. Most of the time we didn't. It didn't matter. We were happy anyway.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Lee's novel contract. He earned it and I'm just so pleased for him.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011? Some of Us by Starsailor

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? ii. thinner or fatter? iii. richer or poorer? Sadder. I feel so lonely and disconnected from my extended family right now. Thinner. About 7kg thinner. Poorer. Uni student, big family, single wage.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Three things: I wish I'd written more. I wish I'd gone out on Field Service more. I wish I'd gone to more meetings. They will be a focus of 2012.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? I wish I hadn't given myself over to Georgie and the baby the way that I did. I miss that little boy so much and yes, I miss Georgie too.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? No real Xmas. The kids will have presents in the morning while I look on. I'll be going to the meeting in the afternoon. Looking forward to the 27th when we catch up with Amanda and kids. That means more to me than Xmas.
21. Who did you meet for the first time? Josephine from my congregation. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I met someone who understood how hard it was to come back after a long break. And yet, it did not have a happy ending.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011? I am hopelessly passionately in love with my husband Lee. He delights me in so many ways and I'm glad I'm his wife.
23. What was your favourite TV program? EastEnders and Bones.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I hated behaviours that went on but not the people themselves. Actually, yes. I hate Dylan and blame everything bad on him.
25. What was the best book you read? The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith. This series opened my eyes on how books can be written. They are gentle, warm, funny and clever in a simple way.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Bones soundtrack features a song called Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros. I can't understand a word of it, and yet it makes me cry.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? Thinking thinking thinking and yet nothing stands out. I did enjoy Captain America on DVD, but other than that I can't remember any other movies from the year.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 42. Lee made dinner.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If my best friend and I had managed to find our way past our differences and actually been there for each other during the tough times. I'm disappointed in both of us for the lack of effort. I'm disappointed in her for being so judgemental and disappointed in me for being too proud to actually just talk to her. We both need to work on the fruitages of the spirit.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Jeans and baggy shirts for most of it. Jeans, skinny tees and high heels for the end of it. I'll be taking that into 2012.

31. What kept you sane? I'm not sure I am. I'm feeling very disjointed and out of control right now and that can't be mentally healthy.
32. What political issue stirred you the most? I don't know if it's a political issue per se, but I did spend a lot of time discussing the dreadful wrongs committed by the whites against Aboriginal Australians with the little kids. I want Erin and Connor to understand just how important reconciliation is for their future.
33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Best friends are a luxury meant only for the young.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Some of us laugh, some of us cry,
Some of us smoke, some of us lie,
But it's all just the way that we cope with our lives.
Some of Us - Starsailor
I'm a cryer and I guess in some ways I'm a liar (I've certainly lied to myself for a long time), but that has been the way I've tried to cope with 2011.

End of year musings.

2011-12-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's 2am on the 25th December and I can't sleep. No, it's not excitement about the day ahead. This time of year is not for me. If anything I feel the opposite of excited. I wonder if they have a name for that.

The one thing I hear all the time is that this time of year is about family.

This has got me thinking about the nature of family and what it means to be in a family. Surely our brothers, sisters, parents, children, cousins etc should be the closest people we know. They should be our best friends.

Don't get me started about best friends.

I do have a family. I have a perfectly lovely and supportive family made up of Lee, Aiden, Erin and Connor. I also have other children, but they chose to not live with me when my last marriage broke down. I've tried not to think of them as different to the three who do live with me, but sometimes it happens. I look at Blake and think "Who are you? What am I to you?" I know he really comes to visit his brother rather than me. Aiden is the person he gets on the train for. Not me. Not Connor. Certainly not Erin.

Cassandra moved in with us at the breakdown of her live-in relationship. It didn't take long to realise that we had nothing in common anymore. We use the L word, but I think it's a reflexive use rather than the overwhelming feeling I hear when Erin or Connor say it to me.

I have a brother. Our differing relationships with our Dad means we find it hard to connect. Every now and then we try, but then years will go by with neither of us speaking to each other. We're in such a phase right now and I can't help but wonder if I offended him at some point. I don't want to push. I've pushed in the past, but really I think he's happier without me.

My mum. I don't love my mum. I just don't. She left when I was nine and I didn't see her again until my Dad died when I was 15. That was her decision, not mine. Again, we've tried to connect, but then she cut my boys off about 5 years ago and I decided enough was enough. I haven't bothered since.

And then there's my Dad. But which one? I've had quite a few and they've all been failures. Whether biological or step, I haven't had one successful father figure.

So, here we are.

It's now 2.30 in the morning and I feel very alone. I have my beloved husband and I know he's mine forever. I also have the children, but my experience with my Triffitt children does make me wonder when they'll leave me too. All my actual, real blood family has left me at some point. Aiden is the only one to come back. Family is supposed to love us unconditionally. Am I so awful that this doesn't apply to me?

Five years and change

2011-12-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

Now, where were we? Last we spoke I had just graduated as a Massage Therapist. Now I'm about to enter my second year at Murdoch University (Rockingham campus) studying Secondary Teaching (maybe).

The big question is - why am I here?

No, I'm not navel gazing. What I mean is, I haven't touched this blog in a very long time. Why am I going back?

Well.

Facebook is all well and good. But it's not enough. I can't really convey the deep problems and simple pleasures of day to day life fully there. I can't examine the minutiae of my existence without my thoughts being lost in the ebb and flow of other people's opinions.

LJ was good for a time, but now it's dead. Very few people hang out there, including me.

So, it's back to my blog. I have many - this one, IMHO and Lyn the Luddite. I've had a look at all three and after thinking about the me that I am now, I've decided this one suits my purposes best. I might, however, take up IMHO again since I have a great many books in my shelves to discuss.

So, who am I?

I'm Lyn Battersby. And Lyn Triffitt. And Lyn Kiely. I'm 42 years old, but I'm not middle aged. I've just started exploring who I am and what I'm doing at this point. I like me, but I'm frustrated with where I'm at. I love my kids but sometimes I need space from them. I adore my husband but sometimes he drives me bonkers bananas. I don't hate any of my exes. I nothing them.

I used to have three best friends*. Now I have one (waves to Catherine). I don't hate the others. I nothing them. I used to have lots and lots of friends. Now, I have lots and lots of acquaintances with whom I'm very friendly.

So, deep breath. I'm back.

I think.

* Lee is, of course, my bestest and loyalist friend.

Thank goodness

2006-08-04T08:44:00.000+08:00

I've finished! I am a fully qualified Massage Therapist (Cert 4) as of 3:30 yesterday afternoon. We went out for drinks and dinner last night to celebrate. I'm just so glad it's all over and I can get back to life.

Talking of which.

It's not often I put faith in television, but one programme recently had me reassessing our family situation. The other night Aiden and I watched "Honey, We're Killing The Kids". Flawed? yes. Sensationalistic? Absolutely. But...they took a very chaotic family (6 unruly brats under 10), changed their eating habits, their sleeping arrangements, exercise routine and paternal involvement. They brought in 3 simple rules a week for three weeks for the family to follow in an effort to bring routine and health back into the family's life/lives.

And it worked. At the end of the three weeks the children and parents were much happier and healthier. I couldn't get over the change. The children didn't lose spirit. They still ran around making noise, but they also knew when it was time to settle down to dinner/sleep/exercise. In fact, noticeable changes were present by the end of the first day, with all children falling into bed at a reasonable time, due to the lack of sugar and caffeine.

I was inspired!

Yesterday morning I called a family meeting and announced that I was implimenting three rules as of Tuesday (shopping day) although some are starting this afternoon.

They're nothing dramatic but they will get us back on track.

1. No lollies, chocolate, caffeine or alcohol. Lee and Aiden were rather smug over the caffeine part of the rule until I reminded them that Pepsi Max and Diet Coke are full of the stuff. Their faces fell about a foot, but I believe it'll be worth it.

2. Erin and Aiden are to go for a walk everyday after school. At this point I've told them it will be 2 laps around the oval but it will change as the habit kicks in.

3. We, as a family, will spend 20 minutes after dinner cleaning. Even Connor is able to take some things from the dishwasher in the laundry to the kitchen, so I see this as being good for family togetherness. Twenty minutes isn't a lot of time, but when we're all pitching in, it adds up to at least an hour of cleaning time, more when Casi and Blake are here.

I'm really excited. It's the first positive reaction I've had to anything in months and I can't wait to start.

Well, it's time to crank the music up and clean the house.

Have a nice weekend.

My two cents worth

2006-08-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

I haven't felt a whole lot like blogging or LJing lately. Life has been somewhat difficult and I have wanted to keep to myself.

But...

There's quite a discussion going on in various forums at the moment as to who should take responsibility for an author's career. Is it up to the author or the editor to further a work and push it for consideration within Year's Bests, Awards etc.

Opinion tends to be that it is up to the author to take care of the interests of the work. If the editor doesn't, then maybe the author should take control and get the story under the eye of the people that matter.

I agree.

But, I have to add another opinion as to why certain stories weren't picked up by a certain editor for a certain Year's Best. Maybe the editor simply didn't think the stories were of high enough quality. While the editor made her own comments regarding submission practice, at no time did she say she hadn't read the stories.

Most of us being published in the Australian market are earning a reputation, virtually overnight. We go to Cons, we hang out together, read each others' works, pat each other on the back. We take a certain level of success for granted.

However, we are competing in a world-wide market. I know Ellen Datlow keeps tabs on what's going on. If a story of Exceptional Quality had appeared in Shadowed Realms, I doubt she would have let it slip by.

So maybe we're arguing from the wrong corner. Maybe we should just accept that our work isn't world standard and try that little bit harder.

Just my opinion.

Catch up time

2006-06-18T10:17:00.000+08:00

God, don't you just hate it when you spend half an hour on a blog only to have it disappear just as you come to the end?

So, here we go again.

On Conflux.

I had no great expectations for Conflux. Everything went wrong from the moment we decided to go, and I mean EVERYTHING! Our money ran out, we found out that our flights had been booked differently to how we’d intended, my 1 day off from my course turned into 3, my ex kicked up a bit of a stink about the extra time needed to look after Aiden, we found we couldn’t cancel our flights without losing our money, we had no money for food let alone books or drinks and well, it was all turning to crap.

But we had to go anyway. We boarded our flight, comfortable in our knowledge that we were about to have the worst holiday ever and there was nothing we could do about it. I took my drugs (I can no longer fly without being knocked out) and woke up four hours later as the wheels descended. Best Flight Eva!
That was the first thing to go right for us.

And from there it escalated.

We found out, to our joy, that breakfast was included in the price of our hotel room. Yay! We were ensured of at least one filling meal a day. And fill up we did. And thank god for pastries. This tasty delights could so easily be folded up within napkins and deposited into my handbag for lunch. One pastry each kept the hunger at bay until dinner time. Thanks to our little breakfast win, we were now able to use our $20 a day complete food budget solely for dinner.

Then there was Lee’s book launch. While we didn’t sell out, we did sell enough each day to allow for a couple of drinks back at the bar each night. By the time the dead-dog came, we had enough to buy a drink for a couple of friends.

On friends.

I met up with Llyn Triffitt and found my long-lost Siamese twin. Not only did we share the same name (Triffitt being my former married name), but we’re the same height, have very short hair, were born 2 days apart (making us both Cancerians) (okay 2 days and 3 years, but you get what I mean) and have the same fertility problems. We found we’d both lost ovaries due to cysts and had a largely depleted chance of falling pregnant. Finding out about my 5 pregnancies must have given her some hope. Now I just have to find her a new husband named Lee Battersby and our duel lives will be complete! Oh, and her husband’s name is Iain, which is, of course, the Scottish form of John. So, there you go.

And we clicked like long lost friends.

My other great find as far as friends go was finally meeting the wonderful Dirk Flinthart. I’d say it was love at first sight, but that distinction goes to my beloved. I bought a story from Dirk for issue 11 of ASIM (Corpus Christi) so knew him to be a talented writer, but nobody told me that is also A) one of the finest human beings you’ll ever meet and B) taller than anyone else EVER! I met Dirk as I was walking into a panel. He grabbed me by the arm and said “Lyn Battersby! I’ve been wanting to meet you.” There’s this guy holding my whole arm just with the tips of his fingers. Rather than panicking, I looked for the name tag so I could mention it to security.

“Dirk Flinthart! Hello!” I hugged him, then he stood up for a better hug. I looked up, and up and up. Yes, I’m short. I’m shorter than just about any adult I’ve ever met. So you can imagine how intimidating it must have felt to look up at a virtual giant. And yet, you’d be wrong. Dirk wasn’t intimidating at all and I immediately felt very safe with him. If you know me, you know that doesn’t happen all that often. The last time I felt that safe with a stranger, I ended up marrying him. How long do you have to actually know someone before you can consider them one of your closest friends? I don’t know how it works for other people, but I now think of Dirk as being in that category.

Matt Farrer

I met Matt the day Fandomedia 1 started. I’d heard of him and Lee had started an on-line correspondence with him, but Fandomedia was the first time I met him and Conflux the second.

Matt was kept busy throughout the Con, but he always managed to stop for a quick chat on his way to the next crisis. However, once the Con was over, he gave the whole of Tuesday over to showing us the Canberra you don’t see. This is country Australia as you imagine it for Queensland or the NT or even WA, but not our nations capital.

Thank you, Matt for one of the best days I’ve ever had. Lee and I will always treasure those hours we spent with you.

Lisa.

I’ve become a big Lisa fan. Formerly known as “Simono’s girlfriend” Lee and I both got to know Lisa as a friend in her own right over the four days. We were not disappointed.

There were others, too, who made their mark. John Robertson and his girlfriend Jo, Wuffie and of course Lily Chrywenstrom who I’ve known for a few years now and get to know better each time we meet up.

Ellen Datlow was a fabulous guest and one of the highlights for Lee and I was splitting a bottle or two with Ellen, Dirk, Kate Eltham and Rob Hoge one night.

Yes, Conflux worked out for the best. I know there were problems, but they didn’t effect me and I had a wonderful time.

And now onto the everyday stuff.

I took Aiden to see the Dead People exhibition at the Convention Centre. A fair amount of controversy has surrounded this exhibition but as a massage therapist I decided to go as it gives you a rare look at muscle structure and function. Usually I consider myself to be a person of strong constitution, and both Aiden and I enjoy the gore aspect of shows like CSI and the Crime Channel. This was different. Aiden looked at two bodies then went to watch a DVD about evolution. I looked at all the bodies, but came away feeling quite upset by it all. Two years ago these people were alive. The details surrounding their deaths are hazy. They may or may not have been executed for their political leanings. They may or may not have been criminals. They may or may not have given their bodies voluntarily. Going into the exhibition I decided not to let my judgement be affected by the past. Once inside, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the future.

I once decided to give my body to science. I still think I will. I do not, however, want to give it for art.

Casi is currently studying some obscure world event thing for Society and Environment. As a result she needed to watch Forrest Gump, so she could see the impact one man can have on his family, his country and the world.

Casi and I had a huge fight on Friday after school. We had both reached the stage of declaring we never wanted to see each other again. Harsh words were said. We didn’t know how to retract them. We glowered each other and wondered what to do next.

Casi said she had to watch the DVD. I said she was grounded. She apologised. I relented and drove her down to the video store. We watched Forrest Gump together. We sat side by side and talked over all the implications of Forrest and Jennie’s lives, their hopes, their expectations, society’s expectations and their outcomes. In the end, we decided, life comes down to parental love.

You had to be there. It was beautiful.

And the connection continued.

Lee is heavily into the World Cup right now.

I’m not.

I did, however, find the first season of Footballer’s Wives the other night. Last night Lee sat down in the lounge-room to watch some obscure game. I disappeared into the bedroom to watch an episode or two of Footballer’s Wives. Casi followed me, grumbling about the inequality of it all and why did Lee have to watch his stupid sport, and doesn’t he know that it’s not real football and that only Aussie Rules is real and why can’t she use the computer and why don’t I go back to watching Neighbours if I want to watch a soap, and how long will this go on for and…

By the end of the first episode we were both hooked. We watched all four episodes of the first disk and Lee was made to wait in the office until we’d finished.

Ha-Ha.

He has football. I have Footballer’s Wives. It’s almost the same thing.

And that, as they say, is that.

If you want to catch up with what Lee is up to, jump on over to ASif and read the ongoing interview with him there. Ask questions, offer opinions, be friendly.

Have a great week!

Eagerly anticipated...

2006-06-14T17:58:00.000+08:00

Despite my recent (unannounced) decision not to blog and/or LJ anymore, I will be posting my version of Conflux here soon. I will blog it rather than LJ it, so it will go through the Battblush LJ feed. This, of course, means it won't contain any cuts.

Just in case a glitch occurs, a general summary would be:

Conflux ROCKED!

General updatey goodness

2006-05-06T14:41:00.000+08:00

My Certificate Four in Massage course has started. In three months time I should be a fully qualified Massage Therapist. Three months after that (or maybe six, depending on whether I go full or part time) I should also have my Diploma in Remedial Massage which will qualify me to do, well, Remedial Massage. After that I'll decide whether to branch into a Physiotherapy degree on a part-time basis.

The course is so much harder than I expected it to be, simply because a lot of it involves Human Biology, a subject I pretty much failed at High School. Still, I'm always up for a challenge. I may have to study twice as hard as everyone else in the course just to understand anatomical theory but the effort I'm making is paying off. I now know a Popliteal Fossa from a Cubital Fossa and the Anterior Triangle from the Posterior Triangle from the Inguinal Triangle and can point out all the no-go spots of massage (namely, all those above, plus the kidneys, eye sockets, elbow indentations, lymph nodes and armpits as well as breasts on a woman).

I'm loving the course and enjoy the learning environment. One week in and I'm already enjoying giving massage more than receiving it. I'm now quite proficient at the back and legs and have it on good authority that I'm the Queen of the Gluteus Maximus. Apparently nobody does the lower butt like I do. Yay me!

So here's an invitation. For the duration of my Cert 4 course I'm happy to practice on willing guinea pigs for nix. Anyone who does take advantage of this automatically qualifies for my 'mates rates' after I'm qualified, ie, they'll receive the full massage experience for half price. The only thing is, you'll have to come to my house in Clarkson. The price of petrol is so high, it's not worth my while to give away both a massage and petrol. I will be available on Saturdays and Sundays. The other thing you'll have to keep in mind is that as I'm not qualified, I may not YET be as good as your regular therapist. I'm still learning and practising, but the upside is, the more I practice on you, the better I'll be.

At the moment my practice sessions will run for half an hour. As my skills and knowledge base grow, so will the time I take. At the moment I will be concentrating on back and legs. The massage will be for relaxation, not deep tissue manipulation. This will change as I'm taught new skills. I will only be taking on three clients per day, one morning and two afternoon, so you can email me at llbatt@dodo.com.au to make a booking.

Sorry sorry sorry

2006-04-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

Get in line

This week has been quite eventful for Battboy and I. Individually we've managed to majorly annoy friends. While mine resulted in a bit of a rant in a public forum, Lee had the privilege of receiving hate mail.

I'd like to be able to report that this is a totally new incident but, well, I can't. Lee's received such letters before (on at least two other occasions) but this was particularly depressing and distressing. We came home and I gave Lee a back massage while we chatted about what we want from our lives. In the end we decided that life was about us and the kids and no one else. If it ends up making us hermits, then we'll be happy hermits together.

In other news, today we went to the KSP centre open day. Lee and I were asked to give a reading of our works. Lee chose "The Dark Ages", a story featured in "Through Soft Air" while I read the first third of "The Hanging Tree" which can be read in Borderlands 6. We both received positive feedback about our stories which was one of the few good things about the experience.

Gaelan sucks!

Big Brother is back. Yay! And that's all I have to say about that. For now.

The best bit

My kids are with me for the holidays. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Aiden is back with me full time as of this week, so I'm over the moon.

Growing up (Please don't be offended by what I write, but I'm still learning)

I went out to my friend Kellene's 25th birthday on Friday night. She decided to hold it at The Court, which was fine, I've been there before, and well, it was fine.

Now, I've spent the better part of my life as a good little Witness girl, so there were some streams of life from which I was cocooned. Since leaving the religion I've had the opportunity to meet and befriend quite a few gay and lesbian people and thought I'd come a long way in my ideologies.

Turns out I wasn't quite as tuned in as I thought I was. On Friday night I realised:
1) I've never met an actual man in drag before (Madison Square and Vogue were gorgeous and were a delight to meet)
2) I've never seen two real men kissing before. (By real I mean not on tv)

So that's two more experiences I can tick off.

And yes, I blushed.

I took Sheldon with me, so at least I had someone to share my insights with on the way home. Sheldon was a lot of fun and we had some amazing conversations. Everyone loved him and I mingled a lot because of him. I'm very claustrophobic in crowds and tend to hide in corners or behind Lee, but Sheldon kept it all light and fun and I hardly felt uncomfortable at all.

So cute

Connor has reached a whole new level of cuteness this week. He loves nothing more than to slide down Lee's legs, yelling 'weee' as he goes. He's also learnt to climb into and out of his high chair by himself and pull his trousers/shorts off while I'm putting his t-shirt/jumper on. His other new trick is two fold. I say 'bed' and he either runs into his room and stands by his cot, or he turns tail and heads towards the other end of the house while shaking his head and yelling 'no'. They don't get much more adorable than this.

I'm off to bed now. Have a fabulous week.

Stick with me baby and I'll make you a star

2006-04-13T08:40:00.000+08:00

I woke up to the most fabliest email today...

My name is (name withheld cos it seems the right thing to do), and I would like to introduce myself and firstly say how much I enjoyed reading "The Memory of Breathing". I am an independent film producer, and I think that "The Memory of Breathing" would make a great short film, and so I am interested in optioning the film rights for "The Memory of Breathing".

Oh.
My.
God!

It's Australian and it's indy. Therefore it has serious cred. I've always felt 'Memory' would make a great little movie. And here's my chance to see it in that new fangled gizmo called Technicolour that we've all been hearing about. Okay, it's more likely it'll be shown at the Uni sausage sizzle next summer, but hey! TMOB will be accessible to more people than ever before.

Am I stoked? Hell, yes!

But I'm just gonna wait to see what Peter Jackson offers :)

In other good news, it seems we can't get a refund on our flights, so it looks like we're both going to Conflux after all.

I have to say I'm pleased.

In other writing news:

LJ user Cassiphone had this to say about "Edges" (Shadow Box 9 - Redback issue)

3. Edges, Lyn Battersby, Shadowed Realms 9 - Despite the disorientation at seeing my baby's name attached to a sexually aggressive character, I thought this was a really effective piece of horror about multiple personality syndrome - shows the amount of story you can actually pack into flash fiction.

and about "The Hanging Tree" (Borderlands 6)

17. The Hanging Tree, Lyn Battersby, Borderlands 6 I'll be reviewing this issue for AS if - but this is one of the two standout stories in the issue, an angry but controlled story with strong characters and a sense of Australian history. It's based on a premise that could easily turn ugly (or, at least, trite) in the hands of a less accomplished writer, but the fierceness of the narrative transcends the story's gimmick. Where "The Memory of Breathing" was restrained and tense, this story is wild and raw and emotionally violent (though, I believe, less actually disturbing than TMOB - but I don't particularly want to imagine a story that's *more* emotionally disturbing).

It's funny how these things turn up when you least feel like a writer.

Had a very enjoyable lunch with my friend Jen yesterday followed by a relaxed evening with LJ users PRK, Mynxii and Cupid's Bow. Much wine was consumed and by the time I got home I was feeling rather light headed. After an emotionally draining month I started my day/evening feeling rather hands offish, but I soon mellowed and rather enjoyed the 'touchy-feely' aspect of sitting on the couch, snuggled up with three lovely people, chatting as we watched the world go by.

Fuche, I have to say, was rather noisy, but seated as we were, there was a sense of removal from what was going on behind us. At one stage they turned the music up to rather a disagreeable volume (from my father's mouth to you) but Mynxii politely asked them to turn it down again and they complied. The venue itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but the waitress was lovely and accomodating and the converation was both easy-going and intellectualy. I've not spent a lot of time with Cathy (or should I say, Dr Cathy now?), but I do always enjoy those moments I do get with her. She's intelligent and witty and sweet. She's not had the easiest time of it, but she's a strong person and I really admire her.

A fun weekend ahead. Looking forward to a bbq lunch tomorrow with Calli and Chesh, Sarah Xu and her husband Andrew and of course the various accompanying babies, then another bbq lunch with Lee's family and my mum and step-dad on Saturday. I'm can't wait.

And then there are the Ditmars. I'm not sure which day they're on, but I think it's Saturday. I'm up for two awards, 'Best Short Story' for TMOB and 'Best New Talent'. Lee won BNT three years ago, so it would be nice to have a 'hisnhers' matching pair :) So, if you're voting...

Have a lovely holiday break. Out of all the holidays, Easter is generally the one I least get into. It's just so wrong on so many accounts, and usually I have Swancon to hide behind, but I am looking forward to the chance to be sociable over the next few days.

Enjoy Conjure those of you who are going. Have a drink for me :)

Can I start this week over, please?

2006-03-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Well, I think we can definitely write last week off. It sucked big time, baby!

Lee and I made the decision to swap roles. He'd stay at home and look after the kids while I returned to work.

A job was advertised with a temping agency. I applied, then realised that I was going to be underpaid by rather a lot, simply because they didn't cover sick leave or holiday pay. I could handle the holiday pay part, but not the sick leave. I'm not the healthiest person on the planet. I need my 8-10 days. So when offered the job, I refused.

They phoned me back and offered me another job. With an extra 80c per hour! Worried about our disappearing funds, I took it.

I hate it! I'm handling mortgage discharges. This means, the customer for whatever reason, decides they want their title deeds. Maybe they paid off their house or sold it or died or...

(yawn)...

ummm, where was I? Oh yeah, mortgage discharges. So they want their certificate of title, so I have to track it down and the mortgage and the contract ...

(snore...)

(snore...)

(snore...)

Ever wonder why the word mortgage has the word MORT in it. Cos talking about it will bore you to death!

So anyway. I start on Monday. And I hate it. The woman who's training me is flicking from screen to screen saying "and do this, and do this, and don't forget this. And you simply must do that. But you don't need to do that if the customer doesn't have..."

(1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep)

"Now, you sit at this computer and do it." Do what? Flick pointless screens around? I don't understand. What do they want from me?

I go back on Tuesday.

And I'm hating it. I'm still flicking screens around, trying to add useless bits of information in, trying to find that "must do" screen (which doesn't seem to exist in Lynland) and trying to find some sense in this dreary world I've stumbled into.

About lunchtime I decide enough's enough. I sit at my trainer's desk and say "I'm not moving until I understand what you're doing. Don't teach me. Just do your job and I'll follow along. I'll ask questions if I need to but other than that, ignore me."

And it works. An hour later I walk back to my desk and find the 'must do' screen.

And it's not so bad.

The rest of the week is still boring and I, unlike my colleagues, can't find it in me to be excited by this stuff, but on the positive side I am handling a new mortgage at an average of one per hour and this in turn reminds me why I'm doing this job.

Then Friday comes. Thank god. I do my tour of duty and leave. I'm on my way home, walking down City Arcade, when it happens. My weak ankle collapses. It just folds under me taking the rest of my body with it. The pain flowers from my ankle to my toes through to my knee. It's so bad I can barely breathe, let alone cry. One guy stops to help me. He offers me his arm. I, being the ultra-phobe I am, refuse. "Trust me," he says, trying to take my bag. I shake my head and point to Miss Maud's. "I'll sit here and wait for my husband."

He shrugs and walks off. Now I cry. I wait until he's out of sight then hobble to the train station. It takes 25 minutes, but finally I make it. Fortunately I'm able to get a seat, virtually unheard of at that time of day.

By the time I arrive home the ankle is the size of a football and my foot is tingling. Lee pushes SuperCodeine into me along with two glasses of wine. My body finally does the decent thing and I pass out.

The weekend is spent in a haze of drugs and pain but by Sunday afternoon I'm feeling somewhat better.

Sidebar.

Battboy and I celebrated our first anniversary on Sunday. One whole year as husband and wife. He bought me a beautiful ring. His present is waiting for my foot to recover so I can go and buy it.

Back at the story.

So this morning I decide I'm going to work. Remember, I'm paid by the hour. I don't get sick leave. I have to go into work.

I take the train.

I get off the train.

I walk maybe twenty metres when my foot, my left foot, my dickie foot, finds the only slippery patch in the entire station. Over I go, my foot folding and sliding away from me. The pain causes me to react in instinct and I shift all my weight to the other side of my body. And land heavily on my right hip.

I cried like a baby. A guard filled out an incident report while I called Lee. An hour later I was at the doctors and being x-rayed. It's not broken, but it looks like it should be. Chronically sprained, the left side of my foot is black and swollen and the doctor doesn't want me to walk on it for the rest of the week.

That's over $800 gone.

I am going to use this week productively, though. I'm going to a Border's Book Store career day on Thursday. I need a real job with real benefits.

Like sick leave.

And holidays.

And books.

And real people. Who talk to each other. About real stuff. Like books.

Wish me luck.

Pack up and go home.

I've just finished Chuck Palahniuk's "Lullaby" (he's the guy who wrote "Fight Club"). There are some authors you read and think "Why do I bother? He's said it all." The man is a jeen-yoos. I can't wait to read the next one. Chuckie P is brilliant!

And another thing...

2006-03-16T04:48:00.000+08:00

After a month of various illnesses, both sinus and stomach related, I've decided to give vegetarianism a try. I'm not missing meat at all. Unlike no-carb diets, a no-meat diet is very easy to keep to when going out for dinner, coffee, breakfast etc. I'm loving it. I'm strictly not having any red meat, nor chicken, nor eggs. I'm undecided about seafood so am still having it for now until I decide not to. I do get asthma, so will probably keep tuna and salmon in my diet anyway.

I'm also eating cheese and milk until my body says "No." I am already substituting my milk with soy in my cereal and cooking, but I still prefer moo-milk in my coffee.

If you have a favourite vegetarian recipe you'd like to share, send it to me at llbatt@dodo.com.au

Thanks to Mouse for the recipe books. They're great!

Good morning, sunshine...

2006-03-16T03:32:00.000+08:00

Or not.

It's 3.30am and I woke up about half an hour ago. You know how some nights you wake up, go to the toilet, have a drink and fall back into bed without barely registering it? Not this time. My eyes popped open with a snap and I've been alert ever since. I've put a load of washing in the dryer, put another load in the machine, checked on my beautiful teenage boy and read my friends LJs. I am sooooo awake!

I needed to check on A because he went to bed rather scared last night. We watched "Last Days of Planet Earth" and it left him feeling rather nervous.

Sidebar: There's a reason we don't normally watch Free To Air TV. LDOPE is one of the worst tele-movies I've ever seen. Sort of a cross between V and They Live, it's awful, awful, awful beyond belief.

Aiden has always had difficulty coping with horror/suspense. I should have known there'd be a problem. He still refuses to watch the Wizard of Oz because of the tornado scene and the witch. He is more like me than any of my other children :)

Writing writing writing

I've been a writing-demon lately. Lee's got quite a few projects coming up, so all his activity is having an impact upon me. My Tin Duck success has also re-energised the writing part of my brain and I've finished three short stories this week alone. The latest is a 567 word flash horror that I wrote this afternoon. I was sitting in the car waiting for Aiden to finish school. My laptop was next to me, a line popped into my head, then another one, followed by a third. By the time Aiden got in the car I'd written the first 430 words. I drove us down to Whitfords library and asked Aiden to watch Connor in the baby section while I finished it off and gave it its first edit. In all the first draft and first edit took 30 minutes total. And I'm loving this story.

Now for a title. So far it's called "Honour and Obey" but that's so not right. I need to find another.

I gave it to Lee to read last night while I gave his Monster story its first read through. It took Lee about two minutes to read, after which he declared: "The last line is perfect. I love that last line. Oh, and the rest of the story is fantastic."

Another sidebar. Lee's Monster story is part of shared-world type anthology that he's been invited to contribute to. The idea is a brilliant one and I'm happy to see Lee so excited about a project. He finished the story yesterday and I've been aching to read it. On the whole the story is excellent but the first part, in particular, is perfect. I think it's as good as anything I've ever read by a pro. Lee and I tend to be very critical of each other's work. We are harder on each other than we are on ourselves, so when we praise each other, it's not spousal-related. My thoughts as I read the first section were: "Wow, the man who takes out my garbage wrote this!"
The second and third sections need tightening and pulling together, but as a complete work, the piece, well, works.

My baby

Connor is doing well. His eyes are still rather red, but at least they look in the same direction now. I still find this rather disturbing, but the doctor did warn us that it could take a week or two for us to get used to the new look. Connor, on the other hand, has adapted perfectly. He had about 36 hours of wobbliness which could have had as much to do with the Painstop as the operation.

The worst part is the eyedrops. Theoretically he shouldn't need them after today, but I took him out for the day yesterday, causing him to miss two doses, so I'm adding another day, just to be sure.

Welcome to my world

Darth Barbie and I have signed up for Femmeconne. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my little girl, introducing her to the world of Adult Women. I think she really needs this as she's finding the road that leads from childhood to adulthood to be a rather rocky one. She really needs guidance at this time, and patience, and I just have to let some arguments go.

Jobs and job hunting

I'm still job-hunting and applied for three yesterday, two with the government and one with a company in Bayswater. The two gov jobs would be great as they're good money and dead easy, but the one in Bayswater is excellent money and job-share so I'd only be working Wed-Fri, giving me Monday and Tuesday at home. Erin and Connor are at kindy/childcare on those days, so Battboy and I would have the whole day to ourselves.

I went for an interview for a job with the ANZ last week. First I was interviewed by an agency, then I was put forward for this job with ANZ. It's new work for me and a step away from Telling which would be fantastic. The woman at ANZ loved me and was really eager to have me join her team. Then I found out that although the pay rate I'd been quoted was the same as what everyone else in her team was receiving, it wouldn't include sick leave or holiday pay, never mind public holidays. I worked out that for every sick day I had, I'd lose $147 dollars. Now, I'm not the healthiest person in the world. I need those 8-10 days that everyone else uses for beach purposes. Suddenly my reasonable pay rate didn't seem so fair. The lady at ANZ pointed this out and told me to ask for more money.

The agency woman phoned me on Thursday and offered me the position (while Connor was in the middle of his operation). I told her that, as the main bread winner, I couldn't afford to take a job that offered so little and that the pay rate offered wasn't a true reflection of what the position was worth.

"I can maybe go another 30 cents higher. It's the best I can do."
"Then I can't accept. Sorry."
She tried to make me see her point of view. I continued to turn the job down. It just wasn't worth it for my family. I wanted to be able to cover at least 4 sick days. For the experience I was willing to overlook the holiday pay and public holidays, but that was it.

We finally agreed that we couldn't come to a reasonable arrangement over this. We hung up and I shrugged it off to experience. Don't go through an agency.

Then this morning Lee phoned and said that the lady from the agency had called yesterday and could I call her back. She wasn't in when I phoned but her secretary said she'd call me today.

Here's hoping the ANZ changed her mind.

I laughed, I cried, I wrote...

I finished reading Audrey Niffenegger's "The Time Traveller's Wife" last week. Lee bought it for me two Christmases ago and this was my second reading. I don't normally return to books after I've read them. I have about 5 book cases of unread books, begging me to read them, so usually I read a book then send it back into the world (generally through my mum).

TTTW is the only book that meets this exception. I love it so much, and with all the stress I've been under lately, I wanted a story I could rely on.

I wasn't disappointed. Because of the chopped up effect of the story, I knew roughly how the story ran, but not exactly when. The book still held surprises for me and, once again, proved itself to be unputdownable. I turned to it during Connor's operation and it kept my mind focussed on being the strong parent.

On the weekend we decided to drive an hour and a half out of Perth and pay my mum a surprise visit. I had a heap of books to give her and figured it would be cheaper than posting them. I handed them over and said, "You can keep all of them except one." I pointed to TTTW with a firm "Mine. I want it back." She nodded and went to write my name in it, only to be confronted with the inscription: "I belong to Lyn Battersby. You may read me, but please look after me and give me back."

I love the book that much.

But...A note to writers

The correct term is "would have..." not "would of..." Grrrr.

Yawning now. Back to bed.

The Battbaby is home...

2006-03-09T14:50:00.000+08:00

...and apart from looking like the leading actor from "Rosemary's Toddler" he doing well.

Having arrived at the hospital at 6:45 (as per instructions) we were told he was first on the list and would go in at 8:30. Battboy grumbled about the delay in transmission, but I wasn't worried. Connor charmed the pants off everyone, even those who were too sick to do much more than gaze at him from over the top of their oxygen masks. There were about 10 other people waiting and Connor made sure to visit every one of them for a chat. He was his usual adorable self and he left those in the waiting area a lot happier than they would have been other wise.

At 7:45 the anaesthetist dropped by to explain his role and to recommend a dose of pre-med Painstop. We nodded and it was given.

By 8:05 he (Battbaby) was fast asleep in my arms and I was ready to walk out with him then and there. He just looked so peaceful, it was breaking my heart to think of what he faced.

8:30 came and the nurse arrived to take him to theatre. I have never seen a baby look so vulnerable and tiny. My little boy lay prone on the bed with a yellow sheet tucked around him, his large eyes taking in everything as he was wheeled from the waiting room to theatre. It was a twenty second trip, yet we must have had at least fifteen nurses, doctors, cleaners, tea ladies and general passers-by commenting on how lovely he was.

We arrived, only to be turned away as the team wasn't ready yet. We went back to the waiting room and settled, with Connor falling asleep once again.

At 8:50 we received the nod and it was on again, this time for real. I gowned up and went with him into the theatre and then held his tiny hands still as they applied the mask. My terrified baby struggled for hours (about 30 seconds) but finally he fell asleep. I then left.

Lee and I chatted, read, worried, and read some more, before a nurse appeared asking for me to accompany her to recovery. Connor was in some distress, but a quick cuddle from his mummy put him straight back to sleep and he stayed that way for the next hour.

Finally, at about 11:00, he woke up, drained a bottle and fell back asleep. No sickness, no temp. He was fine. He slept for another twenty minutes before waking for a vegemite sandwich, a container of icecream and half a container of jelly. Then he became very interested in the workings of his drip. The nurse removed it and pronounced him ready to go home.

And here we are. He's asleep. His eyes are huge and red, but they're safe. He's safe.

He's safe.

Now I just have to convince Lee.

2006-03-09T06:05:00.000+08:00

Connor goes in for his operation in about an hour or so. Will post either tonight or tomorrow morning and let everyone know how it went.

I'm worried for Connor and I'm worried for Lee.

Short and sweet

2006-02-28T15:10:00.000+08:00

I will blog about the awards, but Lee is after the computer, so I'm going to quickly throw down some of my quickest impressions.

I was thoroughly drugged by the time we boarded the plane in Perth. My lovely doctor understood my phobia and gave me knock out drugs. This meant I slept for most of the four and a half hours. I did awake for the turbulence, but settled again quickly.

We arrived at 6am and I don't remember much at all. Kate Eltham and Rob Hoge took us back to their place. I made polite conversation for about 2 minutes then took myself off to bed. I don't actually remember leaving the loungeroom.

I don't remember Lee coming with me but he must have because I woke up next to him at about 10am. We went exploring and I bought HEAPS (I'll post about it later).

We arrived back about 6ish with 2 bottles of wine. Kate was there. Lots of other people turned up. Kate cooks a fabbo lasagne.

I flirted with Sean Williams. He's lovely. He's gorgeous. I love him.

There was the news I'd been nominated in 2 (TWO!) Ditmar categories.

I started to feel unwell, but put it down to still being drugged.

I went to bed. I don't remember Lee coming with me but he must have because I woke up next to him at about 7am.

I woke up on Saturday and realised I was SICK! Really sick. I am allergic to Brisbane. My slight sniffles from the night before had turned into a raging sinus infection.

By Saturday night I was totally ill, but got dressed into my super-sexy dress and stepped out with my beloved.

The awards:

Did I mention how ill I was? "Please let me win" I prayed. "If I win I can go home to die and no-one will think anything of it."

I didn't win.

Bugger. I had to stay where I was and be all cheery or else I was going to appear as the world's worst loser.

Lee won! Yay! At least half my smile was real. I am so proud of Lee and was happy he won.

Garth Nix told me he'd read my blog.

But I was still sick and not getting any better. By 9:30 I'd decided my smile had done the trick and we could head home.

Some lovely friends of Rob and Kate's could see how sick I was and offered a lift home.

I went to bed. I don't remember Lee coming with me but he must have because I woke up next to him at about 6am.

There was a bar-be-que, there were people, there was food. There were congratulations and commisserations all round. The name Ben Peek came up. I shrugged it off. I don't know the guy. I don't care. Memory has garnered me 7 nominations. Not bad for such an terrible story.

I went to bed. I do remember Lee coming with me because we chatted for hours about our weekend and confessed that we missed our kids and couldn't wait to get home to them.

By the next morning the Claratyne had kicked in and I could breathe again. My head was still pounding, but that's why God invented Panadol. Between all the drugs I mustered the strength to do another walking tour of Brisbane. We lunched at Toscani's, usually our fave Brissie place. This time we were rather disappointed. Then we drugged me up again and got on the plane to Perth.

And now we're home. Yes, I'm still drugged, but no longer sick.

Fave people this weekend were:
Rob H
Kate
Robert D (he's so funny)
Sean
Rjurik. I fell big time for Rjurik. He is so sweet. And cute. And talented. All that, and he plays the piano too.
Ben Payne
Karen Miller
Trevor Stafford
Chris Lawson.

I met a lot of sweet and lovely people and it was nice to be surrounded by such good will.

My memory of Memory

2006-02-17T15:58:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been a year (or there abouts) since The Memory of Breathing was published in ASIM 17. Now, if you believe one source, you'd agree that I should be ashamed of producing such rubbish.

But I'm not.

Memory has been very kind to me.

I'm a new author. Prior to Memory, I only had one publishing credit to my name. I'm sure that if you asked anyone what that story was, only about 4 people would be able to tell you, and two of them published it for me. Memory entered the public consciousness and there it has stayed.
TMOB was written as a coping mechanism. I'd just lost three of my children in a terrible custody dispute and I couldn't face a life lived without them. I had two choices. Put my head in the oven, or work out my grief through the process of writing. Our oven turned out to be an electric one, so I turned to my laptop instead.

Memory is raw grief. It is about having someone else make the big decisions regarding the life of your child. It's about standing by and watching a third party take them over and tell you they can't be with you anymore. It's about doing the best to hold on to the people you love, and losing.
Memory was written at a time when my belief in myself as a mother had hit an all time low. I'm not going to explain why I lost my children. It no longer matters. What matters is that, because of Memory, I survived the ordeal.

A lot has happened since I wrote Memory. I recovered my self-esteem enough to decide to have another baby. I recovered my self-esteem enough to decide to adopt Lee's child (I can start proceedings in November). I recovered my self-esteem enough to fight my ex-husband for Aiden's return AND I won! I recovered my self-esteem enough not to bother retaliating to the recent bad review (which I saw only an hour after I'd been called a bad mother by my daughter). I still suffer from terrible depression and panic attacks, but I no longer feel that I want to die.

I'm glad I wrote Memory. Good press or bad, it's still being talked about one year after publication. It has been nominated for multiple awards and has received excellent reviews. Rich Horton has mentioned it on his 'favourite stories' list. Twice! He also put it on his recommended reading list when it appeared.

Yes, Memory has been wonderful for me.

I just hope the next story I write does even better.

While we're on the subject, Borderlands Issue 6 is out and Lee and I are in it. My story "The Hanging Tree" was actually written and submitted to Borderlands before I'd even thought of writing TMOB, so don't even think of making comparisons :)

Something Positive

2006-01-11T20:46:00.000+08:00

I have to pull something good from this day. Came home this afternoon to find this waiting on my desktop, courtesy of Rich Horton's annual review of ASIM:

There were three particularly strong novelettes this year. Lyn Triffit's "The Memory of Breathing" may be the best, about executed criminals who have been reanimated to provide labor as restitution.

This story has done such good business for me. It still amazes me just how popular it's been.

The whole review is here, by the way.

Look at me, mummy

2006-01-11T20:17:00.000+08:00

About three days before Christmas, Connor fell over and hit his head on the dishwasher door. I applied a bandaid and hugs and kisses and after a few minutes, he toddled off, secure in the knowledge there was still mischief to be found. I, however, was a mess. What if it had been worse? The possibilities of what could have happened ran through my mind. A couple of days later the bandaid came off and the incident was forgotten.

Yesterday I took him to the eye specialist to see what he thought of Connor's 'cross eyes'. Sometimes it's quite obvious, other times you can barely notice it, but lately it's been more of the former than the latter. There was some concern over his ability to look directly at an object. This meant that he no longer relied on both eyes and that it may already be too late.

The doctor ran the appropriate tests and gave me the good news. He still uses both eyes and his vision is clear. But it won't remain that way for long. We have to act now in order to make sure he keeps his eyesight. This means an operation. Yes, they want to put a knife into both my baby's eyes. The dishwasher incident is nothing in comparison.

My thanks to Calli for letting me talk through events this afternoon. I know the family is really feeling the strain, but we'll get through this together.

The thing is this. Ever since it became apparent that Connor had a problem (at about 4 months old) I've been asking myself if it's my fault. Did I do something wrong in labour that destroyed his nerves. Did I not push when I should have pushed, did I bear down when I should have panted? The simple answer is "no" he was born this way. But even knowing this, I still feel guilty. He's my beautiful baby and I shouldn't have let this happen to him.

They're going to do what?

Here comes another one just like the other one

2006-01-01T20:21:00.000+08:00

Last Things of 2005 meme
cribbed from cassiphone

Last Book Read: Spotted Lily by Anna Tambour. This is also my book of the year.

Last Live Music Show Seen: The closest I could come to this was when we were all sitting around after Fandomedia singing popular songs set to a Rammstein theme. John Robertson, Lee, Chuckie and myself were particularly biosterous that night

Last CD Purchased: I'm a 21st Century girl. I have emule. If I was going to purchase a CD, it would be Robbie Williams. The man is HOT!

Last Thing Cooked: Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes and Eggs to make a Potato Salads for Perky's New Year's Eve Party. It was bloody good.

Last New Thing Eaten: Homemade Baileys and Fruit icecream. Made by my sister in law.

Last Thing Bought: Clothes. A new skirt (gyspy style, black, tiered, with a coin chain running around the waist) and three new tops (two sheer cos I wear sexy underwear and one plain but classy to go with jeans)

Last Gift Received: An esky from Lee's former mother in law.

Last Piece of Clothing Bought or Received as a Gift: See two above. I felt so good about these purchases (bought yesterday afternoon) that I went home and told Lee we were going to Perky's after all.

Last Embarrassing Experience: Having a panic attack after assisting Chuckie on his alien panel.

Last Totally New Experience: Cooking turkey for Christmas lunch. It was dry, but the stuffing rocked.

Last Foreign Country Visited, if any: Nil

Last New Bird Seen (feel free to substitute enthusiasm of your own if not a birder): birds are nature. I don't do nature. My own enthusiasms runs to my hair and buying handbags. Last new hair colour bought: Blueberry Hill (it borders on purple. I can't wait to apply it). Last hanbag bought: Lee bought me a Nightmare Before Christmas bag for - wait for it - Christmas. It carries my new art supplies.

Last Big Achievement: Part of me says "the Aurealis Award nomination" but that's not it. Getting my ex to finally agree that Aiden can come and live with me wins, hands down.

End of the Year Reminescing

2005-12-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

I did it last year.

Here it is again.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Told my ex-husband that the breakdown of our marriage wasn't his fault.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can't remember what my resolutions were. Yes, we will be making more tomorrow.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Callisto Shampoo and Cheshire had a baby boy, Vincent. I'm very proud of Calli for her mothering skills. She's wonderful at it.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No. But Erin's horse died. This was Sharon's horse initially. This has brought up the subject of Sharon's death a little earlier than expected. I'm not entirely happy with the way it's being handled.

5. What countries did you visit? None. Again.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? An Aurealis Award for my mantlepiece.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 26th March, our wedding date. 27th March, the day I received my Ditmar Award for Best Professional Achievement. 28th March, the day I heard someone call me "Mrs Battersby" for the first time. I was in hospital with a severe burn and a nurse called for me. I smiled, despite the pain. 26th November, Connor's first birthday.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Marrying Lee was the biggest (and the best) but I have to say that winning the Ditmar is a photo finish second.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not regaining my size 8-10 figure. I spend a lot of time hating myself for this.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? There was a few days worry when my doctor found a lump in my left breast. I didn't tell many people about it, but I was terrified. Fortunately it went away by itself.
Oh, and I burnt my hand while making Connor's bottle. Lee took me to hospital. The burn was severe yet there is no scar at all.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A halter-neck dress that I wore to Grant and Sonia's wedding. It looked fabulous and I felt sexy for the first time in years.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Lee is my hero. Every second week I drop my children off with their father. Then I fall apart. Lee supplies me with hugs, kisses, and a girly dvd. I love him so much for his compassion, his love and his understanding.

Aiden is another one. It wasn't easy to tell his dad that he wanted to move in with me, but he stuck to his guns and insisted. He's moving in with me on a shared care basis in February and it looks to become permanent in second term. I'm so proud of him.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I don't want to talk about it. It makes me too unhappy.

14. Where did most of your money go? Queensland, the wedding, the new house. The children.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The wedding. Winning the Ditmar. Being asked to be a Guest of Honour at next year's Fandomedia. Being nominated for an Aurealis.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Chicago by Sufjan Stevens. Tripping by Robbie Williams. The Tide is Turning by Roger Waters.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? ii. thinner or fatter? iii. richer or poorer? Nothing really changed. It fluctuated wildly throughout the year, but ended up pretty much as it started.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercise. I hate my body.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying about the state of my body. I realise I have hangups. It's my plan to focus on something else next year. Like my hair.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it with Lee's family and former family. My mum, brother and 'dad' were nowhere to be seen.

21. Who did you meet for the first time? Chuckie! I love him. He's wonderful, funny, talented. Jen and Kellene. Jen and Chuckie are my beer buddies. Kellene taught me that there's no use by date on grief.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Over and over again with the same man. I fall in love with Lee on a daily basis. When he plays with the children, when he pours me a glass of wine, when he holds me while I go to sleep.

23. What was your favourite TV program? EastEnders.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I've only hated one person in my life. I hate her now. I hated her this time last year. It's sad because at one time she was like a mother to me.

25. What was the best book you read? Easy easy easy. "Spotted Lily" by Anna Tambour. This book allowed me to appreciate my body and how it looks for about a week. I finished the book three weeks ago and I've resumed my anti-body stance. Apart from my breasts. I do have great breasts. And they're lump free.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Sufjan Stevens. His song "Chicago" is a Triffbatt favourite. I consider it our family song. Ask Erin her favourite song. It's "Cargo". The answer never changes. She asks to hear it every time we get in the car.

I also rediscovered Robbie Williams. His song Tripping taps into my feelings of parental inadequacy.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? Probably Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36. There were presents, I remember that. I don't remember where we went.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my Triffitt children living with me. Seeing Lee's collection in print.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Jeans and t-shirt. I'm rectifying that by shopping for a couple of skirts tomorrow. I feel such a frump at the moment. I want to rediscover a sense of style in 2006.

31. What kept you sane? Erin.

32. What political issue stirred you the most? Politics is boring. There was no election, so no show bags.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. My family begins and ends with Lee and the children.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I know its gone and there's going to be violence
I've taken as much as I'm willing to take
Why do you say we should suffer in silence?
My heart is broken there's nothing to break

Robbie Williams - Tripping. I relate to this song every time I drop my kids off with their father for another fortnight. My heart violently breaks each and every time.

Merry War, Christmas Is Over

2005-12-27T06:25:00.000+08:00

I am well and truly glad it's all over which has me wondering, at what point do people get all excited about Christmas again?
Is it when the turkey and ham has run out (I have about 4 kilos of each left), or when the mess is cleared up, or when the books are read, the toys are assembled/broken or the playstation gamesdvds/cds scratched? Or perhaps it's when your birthday is over and there are no new presents on the immediate horizon? I was born on the 24th June, so dates between birthday and xmas stand fairly evenly apart, a situation I didn't appreciate until this year.

Here's my list of naughty and nice things about christmas.

Naughty.
The mess. Oh my god the mess! I chose to go down the paper and plastic route this year, with a ban on anything that required me to wash after the big day. Yet, the house still looks like a bomb site. Hopefully all it will take is a couple of large bin bags to see it fixed. And maybe the igniting of a hobo bin or two. Somehow I doubt it.

The music. It was a constant fight between Casi and Lee as to what was going to play on the computer. Hip hop/r&b clashed mightily with some Doo Dah Bonzer band over the right to pollute our ears.

The mayhem. 7 lollie-fuelled kids running through the house and backyard, carrying water pistols, skate boards and hairbrushes. 1 loud, brash lollie-fuelled step-father alternately giving chase and being chased.

The food. Didn't enjoy the turkey much at all, although the macadamia and cranberry seasoning was nice. The vegetables were undercooked and nobody could work out why I'd made roast veges anyway.

Nice
The presents. I received the Little Britain dvd, and a canvas, brushes and paints from the kids. It's been years since I painted and Lee and the chilluns decided it was time I got back to it. With recurring head aches, sore throats and lower rib pains, it's obvious I need to find some stress relief and this is just the thing. I'm also thinking about taking up belly dancing, but that's for another blog. My beloved also bought me a toe ring and a beautiful black dress. I'm looking for an excuse to wear it. It's quite gaelic in it's design, yet totally not. I love it. And I got a Nightmare Before Christmas bag which I've put my art supplies in. (I'm a bag lady. I admit it. Carrie Bradshaw has her shoes. Lyn Battersby has her bags) And. And. And. I got a book of pictures by Frida Kahlo, my favourite painter in the world. It also features works by Diego Rivera. That and the dress are my two favourite presents. I can't split between them.

The traditions. Each year the Triffbatts make something to put on the Christmas tree. Last year it was paper baubles which we decorated. This year we made bonbons and decorated those. For Connor, we took a printed off a photo of him at his first birthday, framed it with his accomplishments, wrapped it around half a toilet roll, made it look like a bonbon and tied it to the tree.
I love this tradition. It's like a diary of our family.
Lee and I have started our own tradition this year. We give each other a second hand book and inscribe a message in it. Lee bought me I, Claudius and I bought him Great Tales of Fantasy and Science Fiction featuring JG Ballard, Lucius Shepard, Robert Bloch, Stephen King, Harlan Ellison and Larry Niven, to name just a few.

The faces. I love the joy that appears when people receive the perfect gift. That priceless moment when they realise what it is they hold in their hands. Casi glowed when we gave her a Playboy Lava Lamp and Lee's face lit up when I gave him a record player for his computer. The boys loved their skateboards. Aiden was excited by his Antquarium. Erin was overjoyed with everything we gave her and Connor just adored the paper it all came in. And I can well imagine what I looked like when presented with Frida Kahlo.
I'm in it for the faces. And the prezzies.

Some of the food.
My ham, which I glazed and baked all on my own, was to die for. I loved it. Funnily enough, Casi loved the turkey and didn't think much of the ham.
Amanda's alcoholic ice-cream cake was delicious. She left a big wodge of it here, which is going to make dieting that little bit more difficult.
Lynn (Sharon's mum) brought a delicious apricot chicken and fried rice that disappeared in no time. Next time I do Christmas, I'm going skipping the 'traditional' meats and going with more casserole-type stuff.

The atmosphere. None of my family was here. They all had stuff to do with their own families and each other. But Lee's family came as did Sharon's. It was a happy day. Connor's feet barely touched the ground as he was constantly held by both nannas. It would have been nice to have my brother or my 'dad' or my mum take an interest, but one thing I've realised this year is, family is Lee and the kids. As long as I have them, I'm okay.

When it's all said and done, I did enjoy it. Lee's family are lovely, the food and drink were plentiful and we all gave thoughtful and loving presents.

Yeah, I can't wait for next year.

What a wake up call

2005-12-15T06:44:00.000+08:00

I am sick. I took the opportunity for a bit of a lie in while Battboy got the kid's ready. I was drifting into a nice, soft, Mersyndol-induced snooze when Lee burst into the room and leant over me.
"The nominations are in."

Instant alertness, all signs of sleepiness gone.

"And?"
Please please please please please, let me be in. Let this year end on a high.

"We're both in. 'Memory' in the SF category and 'Pater Familias' in horror."

Matching 'his and hers' grins on our faces.

I'm also pleased to notice that 'Macchiato Lane' is up for nomination. I read this story first for Ticonderoga Online and passed it on to the others with a definite 'yes'. I also requested it for issue five, which I edited. While I hope Lee wins his section, I'd feel a certain amount of satisfaction if he lost to 'Macchiato Lane'.

Naturally, I hope to win the SF section, but I did like the story about Mr Woo in Aurealis, so we'll have to see.

Congratulations to everybody who was nominated, but a special mention goes to our good friend K A Bedford. His second novel "Eclipse" has been nominated. His first novel "Orbital Burn" was came to the notice of the judges last year, which shows that this man is doing serious business for Australian SF.

Have a nice day

I will be resume my recuperative snoozing now

PS Are we trekking all the way to Brizzie for the awards. You betcha!

Not a mate, but don't name your yacht after us either

2005-11-28T14:44:00.000+08:00

So we've bought our dream home. Almost. This is what it will take to make it perfect for us.

All the walls painted (it's a 4 bedroom, 2 bath home with study)
Most of the floors uncarpeted and then tiled
The two bathrooms redone (Yes, pretty much from scratch)

So, if your dad works for Tilerama or your mum is sales woman for Bathrooms-R-Us or your best mate's girlfriend's butcher's cousin happens to know a brilliant painter, please let us know. We don't expect mate's rates, but we would like a good job done for a reasonable price. And they need to start on (or just after) January 9, 2006.

Our email address is llbatt@dodo.com.au

Tut-tut

2005-11-27T06:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Connor's birthday party and it went swimmingly. Calli provided the cake and did a fabulous job of it. Many people came (I was worried that no-one would turn up) and the presents were fantastic. (And noisy, as we discovered at 5:45 this morning :)

Connor, naturally, had no idea what was going on, and tended to sway between being overwhelmed by all the attention and totally ignoring it.

The day was big, with lots of food, lots to drink and lots of conversation. We had a great time and will remember it forever.

And some memories aren't as glowing as others.

Last night I broke the cardinal rules of drinking.
1.Not on an empty stomach. Two pieces of sushi and a small piece of fairy bread do not a meal make.
2. Don't mix your drinks. I had 4 glasses of white wine, then a Becks beer, finishing off with 1/2 a glass of red wine. It finished me off.
Really, looking at it, it wasn't a lot and it was over a long period of time, but the excitement of the day, along with the need to look after my guests and my children while ignoring myself proved too much.
I was drunk and it was messy. I am very very embarrassed this morning. Lee and the children assure me that they're not angry at me. I just hope I didn't do anything too untoward.
My wonderful husband and my beautiful friends Kellene and Jen looked after me really well. I am grateful.

And for the record. Not a hangover in sight.

Lee will undoubtably blog more later and there will be pictures.

2 Proud Parents and their Birthday Boy

On posting

2005-11-22T14:31:00.000+08:00

As it is a long post and needed cutting, I've decided to LJ about my weekend rather than blog. Go to 3LM. I've kept it Public so anyone can read it.

So much to tell you

2005-11-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

I've just returned home after a brilliant weekend at Fandomedia. I will be blogging soon about my time, but not tonight - I'm too tired.

Items I will be discussing are:

The triumvirate: An unholy trinity featuring Lee, John Robertson and Chuck MacKenzie

Chuck MacKenzie - My love for a pod person

10 things I love about Ju

11 things I love about Lee

Crossing the line - what happens when you share your personal views with an audience

Entree madness - Living on an unrealistic budget during a con

Beer buddies - More about my mate Chuckie

On paedophiles, nazis and the Twin Towers

Why Hal Spacejock is 'better than Red Dwarf"

Alien sex - A third attempt at explaining my new love for the Chuckmeister (which doesn't affect my passion for my beloved at all)

Chocolate and why it was so important this weekend

Matt Ferrar and his part in Oz SF

Lee and his role in keeping me sane when the going got tough

And of course

Fandomedia 2006 and my part in its downfall

Look forward to tomorrow when I give you 99% of the goss (I've been sworn to secrecy on the other 1%)

While we're sort of on the subject, but a smidgeon off course, I made a decision this weekend. I came home last night all ready to work on Feast, You Women, my new short story that I finished earlier this week. I'd pretty much sorted out in my mind what needed to be done, and sat down to think more about it. On doing so, one thing became clear. Lee's absolutely right. It needs to be a novel. Today it retitled itself (to Mother) and as of tomorrow I will be travelling down that dark, dank, lonely road known as novel writing.

Wish me luck.

Love you, Ju. Well done.

reminescing

2005-11-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

I've just been reading through my old Day of the Triffitt blog. I found it quite interesting in terms of what I've achieved particularly in light of the interview performed by Lee in April.

I love my life.

I love my husband.

On a roll

2005-11-07T13:46:00.000+08:00

I'm very happy with myself at the moment.

Tonight I have written over 1600 words on my latest story leaving it with a total thus far of 4700 words. The story is coming together beautifully and I've just set up the climax. I anticipate having it finished by tomorrow night.

I haven't felt this excited about a story since The Memory of Breathing. I'm very proud of myself for the work I've done on it and the flow it has taken on. It's sad, it's ironic and I've put a lot of myself into it (although I would like to categorically deny being a vampire :))

My main problem: I'm having trouble putting it down. Every night I think of where the story could go next, and every morning I've built on that.

I so don't want to make a novel out of this, so matter what my beloved says :)

Music of the moment: An eclectic mix of New Wave and John Lennon.

Who?

2005-11-04T09:08:00.000+08:00

I have no idea who this character is, but I'm sure she's lovely if she's anything like me (there's also a picture but for some reason it won't come up on my blog):

You scored as Marianne Dashwood. Most girls can relate with Marianne on a more personal level than some of Austen's other characters. She represents the emotional longings and struggles that seem to attack and bless us at the same time. Loyal to a fault, passionate for experience and life, and a bit over-emotional, Marianne matures and grows (making her so beloved).

Marianne Dashwood

100%

Jane Bennet

81%

Elizabeth Bennet

56%

Elinor Dashwood

56%

Emma Woodhouse

53%

Charlotte Lucas

22%

Lady Catherine

13%

Which Jane Austen Character are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Big sigh

2005-10-30T17:54:00.000+08:00

I love my husband. It's because of him that I even manage to negotiate my way through each day. If it weren't for Battboy I don't think I'd even bother getting up some days.

Feeling quite low right now. We've got friends coming for dinner, yet everything's going wrong. My recipes aren't performing properly, the house isn't getting any cleaner and the children are both clingy and whiney.

Lee is off, dropping the Triffkids at their father's house. I hate it when they leave, especially when I haven't really had the chance to spend any time with them. I raised these children for 12 years. I did a bloody good job of it too, yet I'm treated than little more than a baby-sitter in their life. This weekend I didn't even get that, as my mum looked after all five kids for the weekend.

I know this post is on a bit of a downer. I try to be upbeat and happy most of the time, but sometimes I fail miserably. I just can't bear it when they go. I hate it too when either Lee or myself drop them off by ourselves, because I haven't got his arms around me to make it better.

No, I have to try and find some happiness.

The wedding was lovely. Sonia looked beautiful and Grant was as cute as ever.

The thing about weddings is, they're a reminder of the good things in your life. I kept looking at my wonderful husband and thinking how lucky I am to have him with me. I fell even more in love with him yesterday. I couldn't imagine life without him.

On another positive note, I had a number of people come up and congratulate me on the success of "The Memory of Breathing". I'm incredibly proud of that story. I only hope I can do as well on the next story. I've got three coming out soon. "The Hanging Tree" appears in the next Borderlands, "Hush" in Shadow Box and "Edges" in issue 9 of Shadowed Realms. I'm working on a vampire piece at the moment that has me really excited. It's just finding the time to deal with it. It's a sensitive story that looks at the pain a woman faces through miscarriage. I miscarried a baby 15 years ago and I never really got over it, so I'm directing all my memories into this story.

Okay, another downer, but I have people arriving in an hour and a house that is demanding attention.

Have a nice week.

New review

2005-10-28T11:19:00.000+08:00

It's been a while, but I've finally put up a new review on IMHO.

Read my impression of Sophia McDougalls' Romanitas Here

The best laid plans

2005-10-24T04:44:00.000+08:00

I had such big plans for today.

Connor was going to be lovely and play at my feet while I:

Wrote a review
Critiqued a manuscript
Did some yoga (he was going to sleep for that)
Wrote 500 words on my latest short story
And blogged about the meaning of friendships

Unfortunately Connor has done nothing but whinge and whine and has not wanted to leave my hip all day. As for sleeping, that's for the weak.

If I can quote my 11 month old son

Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! (Which is baby talk for, "Bring me another espresso, Mater.")

I've done nothing today but hold the baby and watch Charmed.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Which is mummy talk for "I want my life back!)

I can't get anything done today. Even as I type, the short bald one is standing at my side, crying and reaching for the mouse.

Have a lovely day

PS Friends are cool. There, one thing accomplished. Not as long as I'd wanted to make it, but the best I can do with an extra set of hands upon the key board.

Ever had days...

2005-10-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

...when you feel so proud you could just curl up into a ball and squeeze yourself to death with the sheer pleasure of it all?

I have a severe sinus infection at the moment. This means an ongoing sore-throat, headache and ear-ache.

Nurofen and Telfast are my friends.

So, as you can imagine, when my daughter's end of year Dance Extravaganza came up yesterday, I was less than enthused.

100+ semi-competent teens jumping around a large stage to the raucous howlings that makes up todays hip-hop and r&b while 200+ assorted parents, grandparents, siblings, neighbours, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers clapped their happy little hearts out for 3 hours was not my idea of a good night in. I'd just had the kids returned to me after a two week hiatus and just wanted to chill with the family before the rush of the weekend.

However, Cassie is at a rather trying age, and I had to show her that I still love her, despite EVERYTHING, so I bought my ticket, popped her in the car and drove the half hour to Midland. We, naturally, arrived 2 hours early because Cass had to dress, gossip, rehearse, gossip, primp, gossip and preen, with a touch of gossip. Apparently a friend of hers had declared herself to being bi-sexual and this was BIG news! (I had a quiet chat in the car with Cass afterwards telling her that all teenagers have uncertain feelings as to their sexuality at this age and that she needs understanding and support, not gossip)

Sidebar:

Cassie is beautiful, witty and wise. She's also hormonal, moody and monstrous. She's having a crisis of faith after 12 years of being raised in the Jehovah's Witness religion and is playing around with Paganism (Yes, Chaosmanor I would like you to chat to her :))

After three years of being judged for leaving said religion, I've decided to adopt a 'live and let live' attitude. As long as it does no harm, then leave it alone. I did, however, want to find out why Cassie wasn't considering returning to the Witnesses as a possible option. I wasn't pushing it as a preference, just probing where her thought processes lie.

"Do you still believe in God?" I ask her.
"I don't know. I think so, but I want to explore all the possibilities. I've never known anything else."
"Nor do 99% of the population. Everyone is raised with their parents ideals, and then make up their own minds later as they experience life. Or not, if they find they just don't care."
"Well, I want to look around now so I can make an informed decision."
Fair enough.
"I'm just a little surprised because you had developed such a personal relationship with God."
A pause of about five seconds and then:
"I used to have a personal relationship with my imaginary friends, Honour and Telly. Eventually I grew out of it."
Pow
Wallop
Bam
She blinded me with logic.

Proud moment number two!

We shall now return to proud moment number one.

So, I've got two hours of nothing to do, so I head down to a local food hall for sushi and a glass of red wine. Yes, I know, preservatives in red wine exacerbates sinus problems and yes, my head ache went up a notch, but I enjoyed it anyway.

7:30 comes and my former father-in-law and I settle into our seats.

The first three numbers come and go and I do the dutiful, clap-clap-clap thing.
Then it's the fourth number and my little girl is up there, all jeans and attitude, dancing her way across stage. I can see the hard work and determination and I have that first flutter of pride. That's my baby and she's good.

A few more numbers and my suspicions are confirmed. No-one has got it as together as my Cassie. Yes, their steps might fall with a little more precision and their execution is a little more perfect. They may even have better timing. But there's something missing, some essential something. Oh, well. I guess their mothers are impressed, anyway.

Then she's up there again. This time it's ballet and she's gliding and leaping to "Something Wicked This Way Comes."

She's breathtaking. My little monster of short experience but large opinions is dancing with grace, poise and dignity and my heart breaks. She's so beautiful.

Hence proud moment number one.

Side bar:

A note about my former father-in-law. In my marriage I felt extremely close to Jon's parents. My own weren't much to write home about, but I developed a closeness to my in-laws and missed them greatly when Jon and I separated. Fortunately G and I have maintained a good relationship and chat easily when together.

When I was six months pregnant with Cassie we all went to a bbq for the son of a friend of theirs who was getting engaged. It was a hot January day and I was hot and tired and the baby was kicking the hell out of me. Just when I couldn't take much more Jon's dad pulled me close and let me rest my head against his shoulder. I dozed for a couple of minutes, all I needed to refresh myself and keep going. I've been fond of the man ever since.

Last night, as I watched Cassie kicking her way around the stage in her flowing black skirt I remembered that moment and decided, it was worth it.

Aiden

Here it is.
Proud moment number three.

People have a short patience span when it comes to Aiden. I think he's remarkable. Intelligent, caring, sensitive, funny. When it comes to what makes the human race special, he's the whole package (rather like my beloved). He has strong moral values but sometimes gets sidetracked by the vagaries of life.

Cassie and I arrived home just after midnight. Connor woke up during the night, hungry and in need of attention. He woke up again at 5:45 for much the same reason, plus a bad case of nappy rash for good measure. I got him up and undressed him whilest running a lavender bath.

Aiden, bless his golden heart, comes into the bathroom and says "You're tired mum. I'll look after him while you get some more sleep."

Just repeating it makes my eyes water. What did I do to deserve such a lovely child? He bathed Connor, held him while I dressed him and then fed him Weet-bix and a bottle. Then he played with him so I could go back to bed and have a bit more of a lie-in.

Naturally, I had to blog about my wonderful children instead.

They are just amazing.

And now, Blake has just woken up, come and given me a big hug and kiss good morning.

I'm having a good-child-day!

Have a lovely day yourselves.

Several hours later: In news just to hand we have a new contender for quote of the day:

Cassie when caught swearing in front of her non-swearing mother:

"Oops. Oh my god. Sorry. But, but, well it doesn't mean I don't have a good vocabularlary (sic)"

Unexpected results

2005-10-21T12:23:00.000+08:00

I'm Batman

I did one of those silly memey things. I even skewed my answers a little so I wouldn't end up as Batman, after all, it's all so obvious. And yet, here's the answer:

(Just in case I mucked up, it's says I'm the Caped Crusader himself)

Outside our demographic

2005-10-17T10:50:00.000+08:00

Warning: I hope I don't offend anyone by the terms contained in this post. I don't seek to upset anyone and if I do I apologise profusely.

As mentioned in a previous post, I recently made 2 new friends. J and I did our training together and as a result I met K, her best friend. I've also had the pleasure of meeting M at a party at K's last weekend.

Last night the four of us decided to get together. K asked J, M and myself if we'd like to have dinner with her and a whole group of other women at Pancho's in Belmont. The group we were meeting went by the title "Pink Lounge". Or possibly "Pink Couch". K did tell me what this meant and warned me that I might not find it interesting. I assured her that, as I'm rather devoted to my husband, I don't tend to go out in order to pull, so sexual preferences were not a problem to me. K and M are happily of that persuasion, J and I aren't. For me it was a chance to get dressed up and go out with women. No pressure. No need to impress.

The night out began when we arrived at the restaurant. We were greeted at the door by a young waiter who basically eyed us up and down and then turned to J and announced:
"You're outside your demographic."
J, understandably, was appalled. Who was this man to decide who was straight and who was gay? It was an affront.

It was a long night full of conversation, mainly about Gay Pride and my children. I enjoyed myself, and got to know M a lot better. I've grown very fond of J and K and look forward to many more such evenings.

Geek Trash and Treasure

Yesterday Battboy and I took boxloads of books to sell at the Geek Trash and Treasure. We sorted the books into piles of 20c, 50c, $1 and $2 lots. I hoped to basically earn enough to pay for our entry fee of $10 and a snack for Lee, Erin and myself. We did better than that. We made nearly $100 (about $80 after snacks, purchases and entry). Yay us.

The surprise sale of the day? The entire Anthony Robbins (Robinson?) motivational series for $2. I was sure we'd be dumping them in the bin on the way out.

And we bought...

Not as much as I expected. A toy dragon for Erin. A plush tigger for Connor. A few old pulp magazines for my beloved and myself. I really wanted the palm pilot M-Squared was selling, but Lee gave me a choice. That, or a new dress for the upcoming wedding.

Another day, another flea market.

My brother and sister-in-law visit flea markets every weekend and always come home with some amazing treasure. Inspired by yesterday's success and not willing to face up to housework, Battboy and I decided to head to the Maddington flea market this morning. We bought: a large wicker basket for Connor's toys for 50c, a Buttercup doll for Erin for 20c and a working camera for...wait for it... free! Apparently, because it's not digital it's not worth anything.

But the best buy cost us a whole $2. It's a game called "Man Bites Dog" and, if I can quote my teenage daughter (and I think I can), it's hell fun. Basically, take five cards, make up a headline using the words therein and earn points. First to 500 wins. Battboy and I are addicted. In fact we're about to play again.

Flea markets are fun. They're a way to stick your nose into other people's lifestyles just long enough to mock them.

Final word on the subject: 70's weddings had a lot to answer for.

There can be only one reason

2005-10-11T23:10:00.000+08:00

My life SUCKS!!!!

I'm sneezing uncontrollably

I've gone through two boxes of tissues since Saturday

I'm continuously rubbing the roof of my mouth with my tongue. I even wake up to find myself at it

I've now got blisters on the roof of my mouth

My forehead, nose, lips, cheeks, neck, ears and hair are itchy.

My fingernails are itchy

I want to die

I want a razor blade.

There can be only one reason.

It's HAYFEVER SEASON!!!!!

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ode On A Tissue:

Plaintive tissue, so serene.

Any minute now you'll be...

Sorry, the rest of the Ode On A Tissue has been smudged by the Sneeze On A Tissue.

More creative lines about my affliction

There was a young lady from Huntingdale

That had a nose as big as a whale

When she did sneeze

They all felt the breeze

Was less of a wind than a gale

There was a young lady from Perth

Who ummmm let's see

The only thing that rhymes with Perth is smurf, so we'll just stick with the first limerick. Maybe I should try some Haiku?

A sneeze in the arch

Way of life beckons to my

Indecent calling

I never mentioned it would be good Haiku

From the psychiatrist's couch.

Yes, it's my mother's fault.

Here are five reasons why.

She was a teenage mother (ie: at 16 barely able to look after herself let alone a baby)
She smoked throughout her pregnancy
She smoked throughout my childhood
She smoked in the car ( I think smoking in the car is child abuse)
As an asthmatic herself, she has crappy genes

Have a great day. I'm off to take an antihistamine and head back to bed.

Except, I have to go shopping for a new dress for Angriest's upcoming nuptials. Hmmmm difficult decision

If I can quote my little girl: "Oooh, Scarewy!"

2005-10-11T08:21:00.000+08:00

I recently made a new friend. We met at work and clicked immediately. J and I found we had much in common and have been pretty close ever since. She also claims to be a psychic. She is in fact my second friend to have claims towards psychic ability.

J has a friend K. K and I met one night when J and I went to the pub after work. We also immediately clicked. The three of us have become extremely close. K also asserts her psychic proclivities.

I'm a sceptic, but having spent fourteen years defending my religious beliefs, I don't sit in judgement of other people's spiritual needs.

I'm having drinks recently with J and K at K's house. I'm telling them about the fact that Battboy and I are selling our house and building one in Clarkson/Somerley. I tell them about the house we've chosen and why we've decided to build over buy established. I'm really excited. K looks at me, shakes her head and says "You won't end up building. You'll find the perfect house in your price range and you'll buy instead." Now, my beloved and I have researched the areas north of the river and there's no way we can afford it. C'est impossible. I dismiss her prediction and get on with the drinking portion of the evening.

Another friend of J's joins us (we'll call her J2). We chat til the wee hours before J2 decides it's time to head home. She has a long drive in the morning and wants some sleep. We all hug her goodnight. After she has left K rubs her hands over her eyes and tells J and I "Something bad is going to happen to her within the next few days. She's going to be hurt in an accident of some kind. It's bad."

J and K look worried, I pick up my glass of red.

Another hour or so passes. We play a game, we chat some more. We're girlies and we're bonding. It's all good until K asks "How many children did you say you have?"
"Five."
"I see you with six. Three boys, three girls."
"No, I have three boys and two girls."
"Do you want to have another baby?"
"Oh god, No! Never again. Not after I went through with Connor."
She stares at me for about ten seconds.
"You're going to have another girl. Her name will be Hope. The pregnancy will be wonderful, not a problem, but it will end in a caesarean."
J nods her head, rubs her arms. "I feel it too. It is going to happen."
I raise my eyebrow, pick up my glass of red.

A few days later I'm lunching with my third 'psychic' friend and tell her all about this. I laugh. She doesn't laugh with me. She rubs her arms, shows me the goose-bumps. "She's right. And it won't be too long."

I smirk, shake my head at my gullible friends, raise my glass of white.

Battboy and I went to K's for a housewarming party. She turns to me and says "Poor J2, hey?"
"What about her?"
"She was in an accident on Tuesday. Both arms are broken in several places and are full of pins. She only left hospital today."
"Oh my god! That's awful! Is she okay?"
"She's in a lot of pain, but at least she's alive. It could have been worse."
I stop and stare at her. "You predicted this. You said it would happen."
She nods and says, "I know. I just saw it so clearly."

On Sunday Battboy are skimming through the real-estate section. We're reading an article about housing prices in various suburbs. Quite by accident we find we can buy an established four bedroom house in Clarkson for about the same price we're selling our three bedroom house for.
"Well, that's changed things," Lee says. "I'd rather buy established now than wait 2 years to build."
And like that it's decided. We take a run up to Clarkson, and sure enough it's true. We can find lovely established houses in our price range. We've changed our minds and have decided to buy in order to settle the family that much quicker.
Just like K predicted.

Needless to say, Lee and I have doubled our contraception.

What I should be doing right now...

2005-10-02T16:07:00.000+08:00

What I should be doing right now is cleaning the house. LJ guy Lonewolf and the lovely Dr Iz are coming for dinner AND we're having our house evaluated tomorrow and Tuesday by real estate agents so I really ought to be preparing for these.
On the other hand, I've just received an email from the wonderful crew at Shadowed Realms. They've asked if they can print "The Memory of Breathing" in their upcoming "Australian Dark Fantasy & Horror: The Best of 2005" anthology. I feel so chuffed. When I wrote the last word on that story I knew I had something special but the reaction to the story has been overwhelming.
I love that story and I'm especially fond of the people who have helped it receive such good feedback. Dave Luckett critiqued it for me, Sally Beasley bought it for ASIM 17 and then gave it a really good edit, thus helping it become even stronger, and LJ guy Angriest praised it at every turn. And naturally there's Lee who always believes in everything I do. He's the best.

The simple things in life

2005-09-23T13:15:00.000+08:00

I recently heard that Balga High School had a creche on their premises in order to encourage their students to continue with their education after the birth of their babies. Having grown up in Balga I thought this was the most marvellous thing I'd heard. The birth rate of babies to teenagers in the area is extraordinarily high. By encouraging the girls to finish their TEE, they were giving them a better chance to get off the poverty treadmill.

Battboy and I have just had a major declutter. As a result we have a washing basket full of 000 - 00 clothing. We thought about the child care centre our children are currently enrolled in, but discarded it as most of the babies that come in are over 6 weeks old and getting too big for 000 clothes. We thought of donating them to the Good Sammies, but that thought went through a 90 degree process. If we're going to donate them, why not give them to someone actively working to better the lives of babies and their mothers?

I just phoned BHS and offered the clothes to the woman who runs the creche. I'm so glad I did. It was such a little thing to me, but it made her day. They have two teen mums due to deliver any day. Now I'm looking around to see what else we can offer. After an emotionally gruelling week that has had me second guessing every decision made, I feel on top of the world again.

In other news:

My beloved and I are about to have our first time off in 10 months. Erin's grandmother has said she'd like to include Connor in her Erin weekend. They're both going down tonight and Connor comes back Sunday morning while Erin comes back Wednesday morning. This is fine by me. I'm both looking forward to the two sleep-ins but nervous about being without my baby. I've never had one night away from him, let alone two. Any more than that and I'd be a wreck, especially with Connor's asthma.

If it were anyone but Lynn, I'd never agree, but she has taken Connor on as a grandson from the start and I totally trust her.

Oh before I forget...

If you watch Inxs on a Saturday, the following is a spoiler

Lee and I watched the first couple of shows. Then we dropped it. Then we picked it up again as it neared the end. I saw the episode where JD announced to the band that while his friends were auditioning for a part in a band, he was auditioning for a part in INXS's band. I saw the following episode when the 'housemates' (for want of a better word) jumped all over this and got really cranky. I also watched it when the band said "You know, he's right."

From the moment he opened his big Canadian mouth, I hoped JD would win. Not only was he talented, he was brash and I like that.

So, as of last week we were down to the final three.

Mig. So sexy. For many years I've hated the fact that men stare at my breasts rather than look into my eyes whilst talking to me. When it comes to Mig's abs, I find my gaze unwilling to travel anywhere above his sternum. Yum. Does anyone know if he has a good voice?
I knew they wouldn't choose him, though. He's Australian. If they chose him they'd put the US public off.

Marty. Not so sexy but passable. More Iggy Pop that Michael Hutchence. Good voice, and I thought his song was alright. I even started to sing it in my head after he finished, although I can't remember what it's called now apart from it having something to do with trees.

JD. Sexy, excellent stage presence, involved both the audience and the band members in his act. I loved him and by last night's performance I knew he deserved to win. What he did with "What You Need" wiped the floor with Marty's version of "Don't Change a Thing."

So it's over. Yes, on the whole I enjoyed it. I feel a little dirty to admit it, but I loved hearing the old songs again even if they were occasionally murdered.

But what will happen from here? The eighties child in me loves the idea of a JD-led INXS, but the mother of a fourteen year old wonders about viability of such a thing. Let's face it, INXS hit their hey-day many many many years ago. The final years with Michael aren't march to crow about. Can JD bring a new dimension to an old band whilst acknowledging the RnB generation? Will Marty do better on his own than without the band as a convenient back up?

We'll see.

The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind

2005-09-21T13:55:00.000+08:00

How many clues do you need before you realise your current life-style isn't working?

Is it when:
You've been working for 6 1/2 weeks and have already used up 5 sick days to look after your asthmatic baby and his recurrent breathing, ear or throat problems?

Or when:
Your daughter comes home from day care with nits (AGAIN!!) and the staff treat you like a negligent parent even though you know you nuked her hair yesterday morning, and last Friday and the Tuesday before that and...

Or could it be when:
You can stand between the pile of washing waiting to go in the machine and the pile of washing to be folded and they both come up to your knees.

Or:
The last conversation you and your husband had was not about work, kids, books, movies or music. It was about whose turn it is to toss a salad to go with the take away chicken.

Or perhaps it's when:
The dispute ends with "Is salad all that important? Really?"

Ouch

2005-09-18T20:03:00.000+08:00

I work for a health fund. I've learnt a lot about providers during that time. So imagine my dismay tonight when I broke a tooth while eating rock candy.
"Lee, my love, you need to get a second job!"

Just the thought of dental costs makes me feel sick.

And no, we're not with the health fund we work for as yet, so I can't even look for the cheapest mob through my Lotus Notes.

The Little Things

2005-09-18T17:33:00.000+08:00

Occasionally, every now and then, you have a win. It may not be a big win, in fact, in terms of beating the odds it's rather small. But, it's a win none the less and it's yours to enjoy.

This morning Battboy and I woke up with a need to get out. For the first time in a long time I didn't have the Triffkids for the weekend and I was feeling the loss. So my beloved and I decided to pack the Battbabies into the car and hit the Canning Vale markets.

As usual the staple fare of these stalls consist of badly looked after 1970's eclectica (I figure the owners must have missed last week's council collection) but we did chance upon a rather wide ranging book stall. Immediately I found a book I'd always wanted, Amistead Maupin's Tales of the City for $10. Not too bad a price, but not great. I also found a copy of Kim Wilkins' The Resurrectionists for $9. I'm a fan but also not a price I was willing to pay to pay for a second hand book. So I girded my loins and offered the stall holder $15 for both.
"Are you kidding?" he stroppily replied. "That would be giving them away." I shrugged, turned and put them back. "Make it $17," came the quick counter offer.
I shook my head, moved on with my little family to the next stall. Battboy and I were in the process of buying a rather amazing Aztec calendar for $10. The guy ran up with both books, shoved them at me and said, "Okay, you can have them for $15."

Obviously the thought of getting $15 for them won over the need to take them home for another week.

I feel ever so pleased with myself.

And a little side note: 1200 words written yesterday on Black Dog Daze.

My baby adds another year

2005-09-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

It' s hard to believe, but my Triffitt baby is about to turn 11. Armed with presents, we went to lunch at Willow Pond as requested and sat down to enjoy a lovely afternoon.

The surrounds at Willow Pond, it must be said, are sublime. The weather was perfect and the Triffbatts were able to sit outside and enjoy the warmth of the day while overlooking the pond. The food was another matter. While some of us thought it was alright, nobody gushed about it. I love food. My beloved loves food. The kids love food. On the whole, we were all rather disappointed.

And I won't talk about the crappy service. Longest wait ever. Then Aiden found a hair floating in his coke and we had a fanta delivered that we didn't ask for, nor wanted.

After a while we decided to head of to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Half way there I took a look at Aiden and abruptly changed my mind. He looked awful. Very pale, very nervous. We turned around and headed for home with promises we'd try again on Sunday.

By Saturday night, however, A was looking better and we set out again.

A short pause while I tell you about Blakey-boy's presents.

We bought Baldur's Gate 2. Nothing surprising there. It's alright if you like that sort of thing. The boys love it. We thought it would be a good replacement for the Vice City game we confiscated two weeks ago (the violence really was abhorrent.)

But...

My boys talk incessantly about a cartoon called Happy Tree Friends. It's their favourite thing in the world. I know they've told me about it in the past, but, you know, it's like a cartoon, about furry animals and nature and stuff (I don't do nature), so I tuned them out. Anyhoo, Battboy sees a DVD for sale with bonus episodes. He thinks of the upcoming birthday and grabs it. He doesn't read the blurb. He brings it home, shows me, and stashes it in our pressie drawer. I take it out, wrap it up and put it in Connor's bag. Lee gets a card and fills it out. We're off. Lunch happens.

Blakey opens the presents and makes the appropriate excited noises over Baldur's Gate. He then opens the second one. Talk about rapture. This kid went into paroxysms of glee. Naturally he starts babbling about it. Naturally I tune him out. "Can we go home? Can we watch it now?"
"After Charlie," I answer, reading the back of the wine list.
As we know Aiden got sick. We went home.
The boys settled down on the couch and begin to watch HTF.
"Lyn!" my darling calls from the loungeroom. "You should see this."
Like, why? It's about furry animals. Being cute. As far as I'm concerned the only time a furry animal looks cute is when it has a band-saw hanging out of it's butt (Yes, I hate animals, but I have good reason. I keep Claratyne in business.) My lovely husband is persistant, so I settle down next to him on the couch and prepare to be bored.
Remember my flippant band-saw comment. Somebody took me at my word. An hour later I was still sitting on the couch, curled up against my burly protector, hiding my eyes from the carnage.
OH! MY! GOODNESS!
I'm still traumatised.
And to think we took Vice City of them because of the irrational violence.

Now, where was I before the pause. Oh yes. Charlie.

Thirty years ago I was treated to something really special. I mean, ultra amazing, six year old, never to be repeated special.
I was one of the two children in Western Australia who got to see Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory first. Before anybody else.
My dad and his best friend Bob worked as Props Technicians at the Regal theatre (at least I think it was the Regal. It seems right, but this is a memory 30 years old). They managed to get their hands on the newly arrived reels, set them up in the empty cinema, bought Bob's daughter Jane and myself some of those newly arrived sweeties called Tic Tacs and left us to watch the movie. All by ourselves. In that huge cinema.
We were first, man.

Now, anybody who knows me, knows that my dad was a monster. He was evil. Bad. Not one of the good guys. But that one action keeps him fondly in my memory. He occasionally did that sort of thing.

On the weekend, we took the kids to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I sat down on the chair. Stared up at the screen and made a decision.

I was not a reviewer. I was not a writer. I was not the wife of a mad film goer who holds opinions on every movie ever made. I was not even an adult.

With that settled, I sat back and allowed myself to be entertained. I was totally captivated. The movie was enchanting and I was hooked. It's on my 'buy this' list.

Sunday - The final day

We had cheesecake for Blake's birthday yesterday. Note to all. Fruit jelly and candles don't mix.

All in all, a wonderful weekend.

And now, on with the week.

The John Hurt Moment

2005-08-07T16:17:00.000+08:00

So I'm lying in bed last night discussing with Battboy the possibility of being, perhaps, rather pregnant. Maybe as much as 17 weeks or so.

He tells me to go out and get a pregnancy test tomorrow morning.

Why?

My period has been pretty much on time and of correct duration etc.
I've had no morning sickness.
My breasts are fine.
We've been somewhat careful.
I can't feel the rise of my uterus and after 4 pregnancies I'm pretty au fait with where my uterus should be.
I haven't been going to the toilet any more than usual.
I don't feel like I could be pregnant.

So why did we think I could, in fact, be 'with child' again?

The fact that my stomach keeps tapping. It's not all the time. It comes and goes in intervals. It's not in any one particular area. I can feel it with my hand. I can see it in the bath. It has different depth of feeling - sometimes it's quite hard and other times it's just a slight ripple (like the one I just had).

To all intents and purposes it feels like I have a baby in there. And it's constantly on the move, just like Connor was. Last night, when Lee was asleep I lay with my tummy against his side and it felt like a baby kicking against the compression. Lee even twitched a couple of times when it occured, so I know he felt it, even though he can't feel it with his hand or see it. This started 5 days ago and has been going the whole time. To the point where we've started referring to our alien baby and I've written a story about it. But then last night we got serious. What if I really am pregnant? What will we do? Especially this late in the game? And what hospital would take us now after our experiences with Armadale, Fremantle and King Eddies have been far from perfect? And what about the really incredibly awfully strict diet I've been on this week (1.7kg lost, but not conducive to a growing foetus).We needed to find out as soon as possible, if not for any other reason that to reintroduce carbs back into my life.
So this morning I get out of bed and head to the chemist. I buy a test. I bring it home.

Negative.

Big sighs of relief. We DO NOT want to have another baby. Connor's pregnancy (and eye problems and asthma and ability to catch every cold going) were traumatic enough. We love him, but we don't want a repeat experience. We are, to say the very least, very pleased. I can continue working in my new job, we don't have to worry about the cot situation and I can continue to exclude a whole food group from my diet. (1.7 kg. 1.7kg. 1.7kg.)

Yes, we're very very very happy.

But for one thing.

What the hell is happening in there?

BB turnaround

2005-05-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

I was going to vote against Geneva in tonight's main eviction, but I have changed my mind. Angela, who up until last night I thought was alright, has shown extreme bad sportsmanship and a huge mean streak. She will now be gaining one vote each Lee, the kids (one vote together) and myself. She's made my choice a little easier, after all, I actually liked all three nominees and considered Angela to be one of the smart ones, but now my opinion of her has lowered some what and I'm going to nominate her quite happily.

I've been watching BB and reading the website and am so pleased that Constance and Nelson have gone. What a pair of mouth-breathers (thanks Lee for such a great word).

Quote from Nelson: "Where's my goodies? I want goodies. I want prizes."

Haha. No prizes for you...ou.

These people make Glenn look good.

Having said that. I feel for poor Glenn. He's not a bad bloke. I'm not a fan, but I don't really have anything against him. Then he has to choose one person to be unnominated. He chose Michelle (who wouldn't???) thereby incurring the wrath of Angela after her nomination.

Just so you know...

...my life's not totally dependant upon Big Brother. Today I finished a story. I don't want to talk about it or mention the total due to wanting to send it to CSFG anthology The Outcast (a blind submission) but I can say that it's a story revolving around a 'what if' situation I started thinking about ten year's ago. I wrote 1500 words today to give the story a total word count of 5500 words. This total is 500 words above the limit. I've managed to delete nearly 200 words, but there's still aways to go.

There he goes, there he goes, there he goes...

Connor can certainly get some miles up. Tonight we put him on the floor. So far he's managed to roll over to Lee's feet and then all the way over to the cabinet. He's now watching BB.

Have a great week

Come back Toto, all is forgiven

2005-05-16T21:19:00.000+08:00

Woke up in a tight grip with Lee this morning. No, not due to any pre-waking grope, but because of the mighty crashing and flashing of a major storm.

According to the weather report, our sleepy little suburb was rocked by a tornedo which saw trees uprooted and fences strewn clear into Maddington. Scary stuff. Lee knows I'm not good with thunder at the best of times, and this morning was certainly not the best of times. I was terrified. I wouldn't let him leave the house without me and insisted he take me when he dropped Erin off at child-care. We saw a lot of damage along the way. The people across the road seemed the worst hit, which was quite ironic considering what happened not long ago.

2 weeks ago they decided that the biggest tree in their front yard had to go. They roped it, cut it and let it fall. Directly onto their fence. It smashed it to pieces. They spent the weekend fixing said fence until, by Monday, it was good as new. They cleaned up their mess and no-one was any the wiser.

Enter this morning's tornado.

Battboy and I waited for the winds to abate then ventured out to drop Erin off at 'school'. There, directly across the way, was a repeat of the previous fortnight's carnage. But, much much worse. Two trees were lying across their lawn, without a skerrick of fence to be seen. Parts of their roof was also gone.

There was a great deal of damage in our neighbourhood, but amazingly, apart from four bits of washing ripped from the line and dumped on the ground, we came out of it unscathed.

After the storm

Lee went into the city for an interview. I insisted on Connor and I accompanying him. Yes, nature scares me. We had a coffee at Gloria Jean's (one of my favourite places on earth) then Lee set off for his interview and I walked to the Alexander library with the baby and my laptop. I managed to write a bit more on a story that I'm thoroughly in to, plus start on Kaaren Warren's anthology. I picked two of her stories at random and began to read. God, it's good. Parts were somewhat clunky (one line of The Fresh Young Widow featured not one but two 'dreaded ly' words) but the stories themselves were gripping and well presented. I'm not going to do a full review, but if you like emotion-driven SF then go for it.

Okay, it's late and it's time for bed. Take care and stay away from ruby slippers.

PS Battboy and I voted for Nelson to go tonight cos we're sure Constance will go in the next round. As much as I like Geneva, she's getting my vote tomorrow night because I like Tim and Angela more. They're the only two intelligent people in the house.

PPS I want Logan to win.

PPPS Ju, I miscounted. I gained some proper information and worked it out. It's only 8 days.

Quick word count

2005-05-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

1503 words written this evening. I'm so in the mood to write at the moment. I'm loving it. The words are coming quickly and the ideas are there for me. Next I'm working on a piece for Shane Jaraiya Cummings' new anthology.

Party at Perky's

Went out to Perky's birthday party with Casi last night. We had a nice time and met some new people (Grace and Graeme) who I clicked really well with. The food was fantastic and plentiful. Lee didn't come and I missed him awfully. Naturally, Mynxii, Calli, Kylie and I spent ages talking about Big Brother.

More on BB

Yesterday, Calli and I went out for coffee at Carousel. We discussed BB. I noticed that every table around us was listening. I mentioned Hot Dogs and my opinion of him and immediately one of the women at the table opposite leaned over to her companion and asked "What do you think of Hot Dogs?"

I'm soooooo influential :)

So down

Lee's been really depressed lately and I've been worried about him. The clouds seem to have cleared today and there's been a return to his old vibrant self. I've been depressed before (spent two years on medication as a result) and so tried to be the loving supportive wife. It hasn't always been easy and yesterday I snapped a little. My friends were there for me and didn't tell me off for not remaining positive for Lee's sake. All I can say is "Thank you" for letting me talk through the problem. You were all brilliant when it all became too much for me to cope with. I feel much better today and so does Lee.

Dr Who

Watched episodes 4 to 7 today and they were fantastic! The Dalek episode was both scary and tender and I loved it. The sexual chemistry between Rose and the Doctor is HOT and you just have to love their interaction.

Soccer tomorrow

We're playing Kinross. We've just found out where that is. Early start tomorrow.

Let the abuse begin

2005-05-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's that time of the year again. Big Brother is back on our screens and fourteen/fifteen people have basically announced "Abuse me. Call me names. Tell me how much you hate me."
And hate them I do. Apart from a few notable exceptions I find them to be supercilious, nasty, vain and on the whole quite boring.

Let's begin with Michelle. "Waaaaah. It's my birthday. I'm 25. I want a party. Waaaaaah. I'm gonna chuck a wobbly because I'm not doing anything for my special day." Hello, reality check. YOU'RE ON TELEVISION YOU MINDLESS BINT.

Next, Constance. Had her sized up from the first moment. Can't stand her. Trashy. Likes to go around telling people "I'm loud, I'm crazy." Having a personality is like writing a good story. Show, don't tell.

Nelson and Glenn. Ocker guys who'd be the first through the door at the Inseminator's Ball. LOSERS!!!!!!!! Marriage to these two slobs can be summed up in four words: "Where's my dinner bitch?" You just know Glenn's got a healer named Blue at home.

Tim. One of my exceptions. Intelligent, witty. I like him. His personal motto is "Whatever you do, never reduce your complex belief systems into a simple motto." Better than Redneck Nelson's "Relax". Like Duh.

Gianna. If I can quote Madonna (and I think I can) "Strike a pose, there's nothing to it." Loves the camera and will likely gain many nominations due to it. Another bint.

Logan (David and Greg). Another of my exceptions. Cute, fun, sweet. I love them and hope they don't get busted.

Christie. Who? Her name came up on the site when I did a search just now. Can't even remember what she looks like.

Geneva. Ummm. Hmmmm. I have to make a small confession here. Come closer cos I need to whisper it. I like her. Lee doesn't.

Michael. Not at all interesting. Sees himself as a peacemaker. Let them have their bitch fight, I say.

Dean. Lee hates him. Frankly I don't notice him one way or the other.

Hot Dogs. Mostly harmless. Again, fairly unnoticeable.

Kate. On her side only because Nelson is so dead against her. And why? Because she reminds him of his ex. Come on!!!!!

Angela. The only woman I really like for herself. Intelligent, brash. I think she's cool.

At this stage I don't really cares who wins. Okay, if pushed I'd say either one of Tim, Angela or the Logans (although tonight's Logan kissed Michelle. Eugghh.)

Here's Lee's list.

"They're all crap. Especially Dean. He's the crappest. Kill the lot of them. Put them out of my misery." (There was also some stuff about testicles and things being ripped out of eye sockets, but I think we all get the gist.)

In other news.

"The Memory of Breathing" has received a good review from Locus magazine and Rich Horton has put it on his Recommended Reading List for the month. This has really inspired me to keep going and today I wrote over 1700 words. I'm a happy camper.

If I keep this up I might actually be a professional writer by the time I'm 60.

On being a mum

2005-05-09T07:35:00.000+08:00

I love being a mother. I love my children. All five of them enrich my life and help make it all the more interesting.

This morning I was woken by my Triffitt children with prezzies (the Battbaby was in bed with us having a cuddle and Erin was at her grandparents). They each gave me something personal and sweet, plus I had two presents that they had bought as a group. Prezzie time over, we moved on to the soccer where I spent time yelling myself hoarse.

Lunch was at Chatters, one of my favourite restaurants before we took the kids home to their father's.

A lovely day. The children were kind, considerate, sweet and well mannered. They were fabulous. Which was why I burst into tears at lunch and have barely stopped since.

This is my second mother's day. It has also been the worst. I couldn't bare the thought that it would end and they would be returned to Jon. It was just so unfair. I know I'm a great parent. I love my children and they know it. I do everything with their best interests at heart. I've never abused them or made them feel less than secure. So why do they prefer him to me? I just don't get it at all.

Okay, change the subject

We just arrived home from our day out to find an email from the wonderful Dave Luckett (husband of Sally Beasley, author extraordinaire and the other half of the duo that gave me away at the wedding) telling me to check out the Tangent site.

A review. A positive review. An absolutely brilliant and glowing review about my story "The Memory of Breathing".

Thank you to Dave for loving the story enough to recommend it to his wife, thank you to Sally for being such a brilliant editor and for placing it in ASIM 17 and of course, a big thank you to my beloved husband for always believing in me and for encouraging me every step of the way.

Last night

Last night was one of the best experiences of my life. We had Martin Livings (one of my favourite authors) and his partner Dr Izzy and Shane Jaraiya Cummings (another author-pal of ours) and his partner Angela Challis (editor of Shadowed Realms) over for dinner. The evening was fabulous. The food was good, the wine bottled and the company both lively and intelligent. Apologies to poor Dr Iz for the copious shop talk, but it was one of the rare occasions when Lee and I found ourselves mixing with other writers. We had a brilliant time.

One of the highlights for me was meeting Angela properly. There are times in your life when you meet someone and you just click from the get-go. Angela and I connected on about a dozen different levels and never shut up all night.

Everyone left about 12:30 and we were fast asleep about 5 minutes later. Naturally it was one of the few nights where Connor slept through until 4:30, and we were awake for most of it.

Soccer

3-2. In our favour. That's all I'm saying.

Okay, we're out of here. Big Brother starts again tonight, so we're off to begin our evening.

Take care and enjoy your week.

Can't keep a good girl down

2005-05-08T01:48:00.000+08:00

Due to popular demand I've decided to start posting again. I'll do a full post soon, but we have people coming for dinner tonight so I have to get cleaning etc.

I'm feeling rather happy today. I had a better night sleep thanks to my beloved and a sleep in this morning. We've just come home from breakfast at The Crepe Cafe AND I had my favourite coffee from Gloria Jean's. I really want to get a job with them. I love them.

Take care and have a lovely weekend.

PS Thanks to everybody who said "I miss your blog. When are you going to start posting again?" I dedicate this site to you.